ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
News lately had President Obama making a speech/news comment about Bill Cosby and my reaction was...isn't there a better use of the man's time. Why was it necessary for him to speak to that issue at all. The man has a finite amount of time to do all the things necessary to improve life in the USA for all its citizens. The country is swimming in big problems, financial, international, jobs, housing, health, jails full, schools failing, fights over immigration. His job is to sign stuff into law and comment on the big picture. Is it necessary for him to take time from his incredible schedule to talk about individual American lawbreakers simply because they are famous to start with. This is pandering to the media and the court of public opinion which declared Cosby guilty long ago. If there is a trial...how can it be fair or unbiased. So they want to take his award away...do it after the courts find him guilty. All of this kerfuffle reminds me of the twitter campaign to take away Bruce Jenner/Caitlin Jenner's medals as though he had not won them fair and square thirty years ago. You cannot live your life retroactively. A lot of of problems these days are because we spend so much time apologizing for past actions of our ancestors and making amends to the current generation for what happened to the fifth or sixth generation back. If we did that for every cause on the books the world would come to an end. The squeaky wheel and all that. I am not saying forget the past but close the door and move on. We spend an inordinate amount of time and energy and money on expiation while current problems are ignored and go unresolved.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
Thinking about the question. Most zines count as 1/2 a book based on word count. Some of the digests barely count as a 1/4 book (rip off city). I was dusting my shelves and came across a zine that was made exactly like a book. It is a beautiful thing entitled Blood and Destiny in the Starsky & Hutch fandom. Truly a magnificent achievement and it destroyed my ability to read in Starsky & Hutch because the stories were so dark and bloody. It has small print and is over 500 pages and if I ever try to read in Starsky & Hutch again I shall start with that zine and plow my way through. On the other hand, I never could read stories where the boys were down right cruel to each other. Same with Pros...Kitty Fisher's stories and the Gael were too dark and mean for my taste. Those Priapus zines for example eeeeek. I was remembering my obsession with S&H fandom and how fixed my need for them to be good to each other in every story. Schmoop city. That one book threw me for a loop and tainted my view of the boys somehow. Of course, by the time I got to that book I had read every zine ever printed in that fandom and had thousands of stories on my hard drive. I was moaning to Dana Austin Marsh, who was then holding Starsky & Hutch get togethers, about my inability to read S&H and there I was with 400 zines. She handed me a bunch of fifth gen vcr tapes and a few zines with The Professionals and set me on my way and I learned how someone could become a serial fandom groupy. Four hundred more zines later and boxes filled with two page Circuit stories and I was almost ready to start reading books from my library and then Lew died and fandom just went away for a while. I could read darker fiction in Pros than I could in S&H. What was strange was my first fandom was X-Files and I could read really dark stuff in that one but when I moved to S&H I was vanilla. I think what you read has everything to do with the personalities of your OTP almost more than your personal emotional triggers except in all fandoms there are lines I cannot cross in my reading or rather choose not to cross.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
I can never remember which of these journals is connected to another and I want this entry to be in as many places as it can so I can find it and reread it to reaffirm my truth.

My life used to be a series of 'ifs'. Life would be better if I lost weight. My marriage would be happier if I lost weight. I would not be so tired, depressed or unsociable if I lost weight. I could buy nice clothes if I lost weight. I spent years, so many years, with my life on hold as I told myself, I will go here as soon as I have lost x number of pounds. I will visit so and so, go to that party, invite aunt and uncle, travel, buy that dress, those shoes, that coat as soon as I have lost x number of pounds. Things will be better as soon as I have lost the weight. It never happened. I would start a diet, gung ho and sure of myself. My entire existence would revolve around that diet. Everything bowed down to it and gave way to it. The focus was on what I was eating, my daily progress with the scale. I thought of nothing else, did nothing else. Everything in life was waiting on my weight loss. I was always hungry, always thinking of food. What could I eat, how long till I could eat, what I wanted to eat, what I should not have eaten. I was cranky and unhappy and not living life or enjoying my days. The highs were higher and the lows lower. The weight loss was always incredibly slow and disappointing and I soon cheated and regained everything and lost heart and gave up and solaced myself with everything I had missed so badly while on whatever diet it was. I learned nothing. I knew how to lose weight but I did not know how to keep it off or I did know how but it was an unacceptable sacrifice that I would not and could not make. When I went through menopause I swore I would never diet again. I would teach myself to accept myself as I was. I would get rid of my skinny clothes and buy the nicest clothes I could get in my size. I would start living. I limited myself somewhat. I did not binge on goodies. I avoided some things as a matter of course but I ate what I wanted, when I wanted for most of the time and over the following ten years I gained about ten pounds per year but I was living my life and no longer focussed on food and weight and it was liberating. As I had feared all those younger years, my fat drove my husband away but I no longer cared. I was tired of fighting the losing battle. Once living on my own for the first time in my life I found incredible happiness and security. My life was my own for the very first time. I followed all my own desires at every moment of every day and started actually living. I did not care what anyone thought and did not feel bad about what I saw in the mirror. I was 225 pounds and happy with it. I strutted around like the world was my oyster. There was absolutely no penalty in existence for my being overweight. There was no a price I was paying for being fat. I was content until I hit 255 and was closing on 70 years of age. Things started to hurt, life became difficult in small ways. I began worrying about my health, about falling, about how hard it was to roll over in bed, how circumscribed my life had become because I could no longer comfortably walk a kilometer just for the pleasure of looking at the scenery. God forbid I should walk for health. My heart gave out some warnings and one day I picked up the book of my last diet. The only diet that had ever worked. I had found Dr. Atkins book in 2003 and put it into practice with my usual dieting fervor. It was different in the extreme. I was still focussed, my life still revolved around the diet, everything was still on hold till it did its magic but this time I was not hungry. I didn't spend my days thinking about what I could not have, what I was craving. And, best of all, it worked like magic. I dropped 60 pounds in almost no time at all. I was thrilled. Losing weight was POSSIBLE. Then a major crisis happened in my life and I just stopped the diet that required me to avoid alcohol because I needed to drink. In less than a year, by the time the crisis, which lasted almost that long had passed, I had regained the entire 60 pounds plus a few friendly pounds. The next crisis was the ending of my marriage but as I explained that was no bad thing for me. This time when I picked up the book and decided to try again, I was in no hurry. I was not doing this for my marriage, for my children, for my social life, for my wardrobe. I had all the time in the world (okay at my age, lifespan is a consideration) and would just do it as an aside to my every day. I knew in my heart that Atkins worked more painlessly than other diets, I knew losing weight slower was safer. James Coco and other overweight comedians who lost a huge amount of weight in a short period of time...seemed to die within a year or two of that major weight loss. That seemed to indicate losing weight could be dangerous if done wrong and I was already having a problem with my heart that I could possibly attribute to that first too fast 60 pound loss. One day I just started. The pattern of life my in the seven years I had lived alone was easy. I still limited the sweets in my life. I still limited the junk food but I had what I wanted when I wanted it, if I wanted it. I smoked all summer when I could sit on balcony in comfort and then quit in the fall and then I would start drinking and I would drink all winter. Eight ounces minimum of wine or twelve of beer or four of the hard stuff...way more than the doctor said was allowed for a woman. I was not worried about my liver, it was the direct calories that I thought of as I consumed it each day. The day I started this diet was October 14, 2013 I was 248 pounds. I had just quit smoking at the end of September and had not had a taste of alcohol since June. I picked up the Atkins book and decided number one...I would not start drinking. I would not place my order for my special Christmas cookies, I would fill my freezer with meat. It was just that simple. As it had before, I had no cravings, I was not focussed on food. I was not focussed on weight loss. I was living my life each day doing what I wanted, thinking of the things I wanted to do that day. The weight came off. I joined an online weight loss site that allowed me to track my calories and carbs daily. It had a graph to chart my losses and gains. I only got on my scales once a week and the first time the needle didn't move, I was not devastated. I did not really care. There was no penalty for no loss. I made it through Christmas without gaining weight. Last winter was the worst in a long time but I actually enjoyed each and every day. SADS did not hit, I did not carb load, I did not spend a lot of money on alcohol or sweets. The weight was coming off slowly but surely. I could see it in the mirror. Then there came the day I tried on the next size down and it fit. I did not exercise except for going to the building pool in the summer a few times just because I finally fit into my bathing suit and wanted to see if I liked it. I did a few other things this past summer that I had not done since the first year I lived in this town. Just for fun and to remind myself of the pleasures of the past. I am a solitary so few people commented so compliments were not in evidence but the most important people were pleased...me, myself and I. When I reached half way, a full 50 pound loss out the 100 goal I had set myself, the weight loss seemed to slow. My sister visited with goodies and I did not make any attempt to restrain myself and gained five pounds easily. I tried harder at the reunion I attended and only gained two pounds. I am still very sensitive to carbs, a very small amount makes an instant difference but this time regaining ground was easier and I didn't throw the baby out with the bathwater just got back on track. I wondered if I was self sabotaging because I was afraid of running out of clothes that fit when I could not afford to buy any clothes in smaller size. Then in the space of two weeks I got compliments on my weight loss and in each case when I said I had lost 50 pounds and only had 50 pounds to go, they all said 'no way' you don't need to lose another 50...that is crazy. When I said that I still weighed 200 pounds and yes I did need to lose that much, they all pooh poohed me and said it would be too much. It felt a bit like a mind fuck because I remember being 150 pounds just before my third wedding and having to go on a major weight loss regimen back then to lose twelve pounds to fit into my wedding dress. I wanted to be 120 and was not truly satisfied with the 140 I was on my wedding day at age 40 but it had to do. I remember vividly being 120 and only wanting to get back to 115. I remember being 130 and desperately dieting to get to 120. I had never been happy at whatever weight I was at. I look back at photos of myself and think 'WTF' All those years of thinking I was fat when I was thin and then the years of being fat and thinking it doesn't look that bad. I knew how anorexics could look in the mirror and not see what was there because I had never truly ever seen what was really there. Even now I wonder what other people see because I know what I am seeing is not reality somehow and so when they say you look great just as you are...you don't have to lose any more...I wonder about reality. The diet is here to stay, I have my goal, I am not in a hurry, I am living each day, one at a time, filled with doing exactly what I want when I want. There is absolutely no one in my life that I have to impress, no one I have to please, no one who can make any demands on me for anything. I have love for, obligations and duties to children and animals but they are not whips to beat myself with...I am in control of when and how I do things and these days I never put myself last in anything. I have learned, finally, to say no. Saying no to things other people ask makes it easier to say no to that first glass of wine, that ice cream sundae, that slice of chocolate cake. Now if I could learn to say no when the bookstore calls my name and my pocket book seems to open wide in an instant and pours out all my budget. I spend clothes money on books and maybe in the future when I have reached my goal or come close enough that I need skinnier jeans...I will be able to make a trade, six pocket books for a pair of jeans. Life is good and I am truly happy for the first time in my life. There are lumps in my oatmeal like there is in everyone's and they are generally concerns over my children...their health and happiness, my animals...their longevity and health, my finances...can I hold to my budget, my health...how long do I have and have I prepared enough so that my ending does not cause my son, the executor, too much aggravation. Everything else in my life is gravy. I am one very lucky woman.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
Books

I hate it when I type a huge amount of text and then hit something and it wipes out everything I wrote. That just happened. This is about an epiphany I had today about reading, books, and ebooks. I love books and reading to the exclusion of all else except maybe my pets. Given a choice between television and a book, TV loses every time. Socializing is given a pass every time. People lose out on my company if I have to choose between company and a book. I am eternally grateful to be retired so that all the hours of my day can be allocated to books. Sunshine doesn't see me as much as I am tempted by its beauty...I cannot read outside so the great weather is outside the picture window. I follow book blogs on Tumblr and people who love books on Facebook. I collect pictures of libraries, bookshelves, books, book memorabilia and crafts about books on Pinterest. Books are my life. My constant refrain is…there are not enough hours in my days for all the books I want to read. Life is too short. My pile of To Be Read books gets higher and higher and I still buy more and find myself rereading books instead. I bought my first ebook reader and was thrilled at being able to carry so many books around but over time I let it get away from me and my To Be Read pile on Kindle alone is huge beyond belief. At one point recently my guilt was riding me and I was determined to make a dent in the huge number of Kindle cosies awaiting my attention. I am so anal, I started at author A and began reading..that is I began rereading the old ones by each author till I got to the new ones and then on to the next. It became work and I was not enjoying myself. I kept finding other things to do…even television drew me away. I began to think that cosies were poorly written and that I had wasted my money buying them on Amazon for Kindle instead of in paperback that I could trade in when they were not worth rereading. Since I cannot trade them in I feel I should reread them but because I am forcing myself I am not enjoying the experience. There are cosy series that I have in paperback and this week I skipped a few letters of the alphabet of authors and pulled out a C author from the bookshelves and started reading and was immediately engaged. I wondered if it was that particular writer who held my attention and kept me relaxed and reading and instantly opening the next volume when one was finished. The thought that occurred today was…it was not the author (though she is good), it is the paperback itself. It is the ease of picking up the book and instantly finding my place. No waiting. Ebooks are great for waiting rooms and saving space but I am beginning to be suspicious that they are not actually conducive to an enjoyable reading experience. Pushing buttons, waiting for loading, difficulty regaining place after going to other book or trying tor read multiples. There is something about a book in hand. I do not deface many books often but some have stuff that I want to remember and I underline or write in margins…of paperbacks. One cannot do that with a Kindle or at least the ability to do so is cumbersome and flawed compared to a pencil and finding the marked up pages again is far easier and does not require memory. All those ebooks awaiting my attention …buying them for the Kindle was a disservice to the writers…or at least I am beginning to think so. I have come to the conclusion that it is so much easier to pick up a book, carry it from room to room, put it down for any length of time and not have it go to sleep, necessitating turning on and waiting again. I do not have to watch where I put the paperback and can even take it into the tub without care. Weather does not matter to a paperback and spillage can happen. Even hot coffee will not destroy a trusty old paperback and if it does, well replacing an 8.00 book is a lot different than a 100.00 Kindle. I had already decided to ween myself away from Kindle because when I spend money on a book I want to own it, I want to give it away, I want to trade it in, I want to donate it, I want it to have existence and I want more than one person to read it. I want to get my monies worth out of every book I buy and ebooks do not cut it. They are more expensive than paperbacks and I cannot share them unless I also want to share my machines. If I find a writer is a one shot, I am stuck with an ebook I cannot reread, cannot give away, cannot exchange for money or in kind. I can delete it from my ebook so I do not see it every time I turn it on and it will still be in the cloud for download should I decide I want it back on machine but in my mind I have paid for something, found I could only use it once and might as well have burned my money. Once is not enough. If I cannot reread it, I want someone else to read it…many someones in fact. When I finish this writer (I have several of her books in ebook format and we shall see if they hold my attention as well as she does in paperback) and go back to working my way through my authors. Maybe now that I have some understanding of why the stories are not holding my attention…that it is not the fault of the writers but of the format and my type of attention span or needs. My Kindle has 350 books and my Kobo another 40. There is something so comforting to a bookaholic to have that much of my drug on hand so easily but I wish my habits of a lifetime have not caused a hiccup in my joy.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
Speaking of disconnect. I spent fifteen years in fandom. I made many online friends and went to cons and met some of them. I bought hundreds and hundreds of zines and collected thousands of stories. I am still collecting stories. I still communicate with writers of fan fiction and other fans but that connection is also slowly sliding away. These days I no longer read fan fiction. For that I actually feel guilty when friends who still write ask me to read or beta and I have to confess that I have lost the necessary focus and love required to enjoy or judge a story. I feel I have betrayed something or someone. Fandom gave me so much, it opened the world of people to me in a way I had never experienced before and now I am retreating back into my solitude. I feel I am a better, stronger person for the experience of fandom but I have changed again. I returned to X-Files after a ten year absence. I can only hope there is enough time left in my life for me to return to Pros or S&H.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
There are times when I want to read but feel unfocussed and turn to books like Leonard Maltin's Movie Guide. Reading books like Maltin's Guides or H.L. Mencken's Dictionary of Quotations on Historical Principles or The Penguin Dictionary of Proper Names is like eating peanuts or potato chips...just one more line, quote, movie blurb. One thing that struck me today was how many of the names are familiar and how many of them are already deceased. Without being too aware of the passing of time...the body changes are more noticeable by others than by myself and my interior feels the same, I find myself estranged all of a sudden. My main interest in life has always been books and the struggle to borrow them, buy them, store them, transport them and find time to read them. I spent a lifetime stealing time from other areas of my life to give to books. In the back of my mind these days the one worry is I will not have enough time left to read all the books I have bought that remain unread and all the books I want to reread. I love looking at libraries, bookstores, bookshelves. I love covers of books and reading about other people's interest in books. Like technology, I am falling behind in books. I am no longer reading the current crop of fiction and non-fiction. The world is passing me by while I buy books written and printed years and years ago that I didn't get to back then but wanted. The covers shown by readers these days are unfamiliar to me. The author's names do not ring a bell. I got my first computer in 1978. I bought one of the first betamax, the first Sony Walkman. I changed computers every five years and upgraded. For the first time I have not advanced with technology. I do not own a smart phone. I am not connected via Twitter. I am losing my connection with what is current. Am I letting go a piece at a time? Is this what aging is? You stop listening to the new music, nothing appeals except the golden oldies. You do not tune in to 90% of the new television series and watch reruns of a few old favourites with two or three new ones that have managed to catch your attention. This means that with 200 channels there is never anything to watch. Pulling in the borders of my life. Making a cocoon filled with books I have loved but which represent the past. Reading Maltin's book today filled with movies I have seen that are all from years ago and reading the details of those I have not seen and likely never will see. I no longer go out to movies and see none of the new films until they come on television for free. With pay per view holding on to all new new ones for years after they are finally released from theatres, this means I miss 95% of all films being produced these days. For special films like Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit...I buy the DVD. This generally happens if a film is made of a favourite book. Today I feel the disconnect of my life. I am content with my life. I am surrounded by books. Every day is a pleasure and I do not feel like I am missing anything of importance that is happening in the world. It is just that every so often something makes me realize that the world is leaving me behind in small ways.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
Someone on Tumblr commented about people having OTPs that were the same over and over. Another refuted that by listing her crushes and pointing out their differences. I began to think about mine over the years. It all started with Elvis. I was eleven when he was on the Ed Sullivan show and I adored him all my life. I never became a Beatles fan or a Rolling Stone fan. Over the years I liked particular songs and singers enough to buy a lot of their albums but I never fantasized about any of them. In the 60's I liked Richard Chamberlain in Dr. Kildare, Gardner McKay in Adventures in Paradise, David McCallum in Man From Uncle, Oliver Reed in everything, Richard Basehart in Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea, both William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy in Star Trek with a heavy bent for Spock, Robert Blake in Baretta, Paul Michael Glaser in Starsky & Hutch, Freddie Prinze in Chico and the Man, David Carradine in Kung Fu, Stephen Macht in The Immigrants, Robbie Coltrane in Cracker, David Duchovny and Nicholas Lea in X-Files, Martin Shaw and Lewis Collins in The Professionals. Andrew-Lee Potts in Primeval.

All of those TV shows were must see TV and I adored the characters and then the actors and followed their careers and collected photos and information. I did not view any of the earlier shows with slashy eyes. My homo erotic fantasies were a hidden secret and I remember reading books about women's fantasies and not one of them mentioned women getting off on reading about two men together. I thought I was weird. My fantasies were about anonymous men with me as voyeur. The rest of my fantasies were me and the current actor I was obsessing about. Mary Sue all the way. I even wrote fan fiction about Admiral Nelson and me. Then in 1994 I got internet access and looked up the show I was watching at the time ...Forever Knight. I loved the show but did not have a crush on any of the actors...not one of them appealed to me. I found fan fiction and was introduced to slash and my world opened up...I was not weird or alone. I printed out reams and reams and read like crazy and loved it all even the slash about two men who did not turn me on. Then I found X-Files and tuned in late and played catch up on the first season and looked up the fan fiction and... wow I had found my first OTP. I started with David but Nick Lea surpassed him and took over my imagination. I became heavily involved in the online world. Starsky & Hutch resurfaced in my area and I watched and searched and fell in love with Starsky all over again and Hutch grew on me as they became my second OTP. The next OTP was Bodie and Doyle. I started out preferring Doyle but before long it was Bodie who was my favourite. And there I have stuck.

I look at all these men and wonder if they fit a pattern. Most of them are dark haired, many of them are light eyed, they are tall, short, fat, thin. Few of them are conventionally good looking. I have never liked blond men and I had to read a lot of fan fiction to get comfortable with David Soul.

I do not automatically see slash in every pairing on TV that others slash. When talking to other fans in other fandoms I often just cannot see what they see, in fact, I am often squicked by their choices. It makes reading multi anthology zines difficult. When I look at all my favourite actors now, I often wish there was someone I could pair them with and I try to imagine crossovers.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
Here I am burning away another hour on my computer spilling my guts. Last night I reached a point of not being in the mood to pick up my current book, feeling guilty over how much time I spent that day on computer and finished with all my sites and unwilling to go do anything more. Finished meals and dog walking and housework. Nothing on television that I wanted to watch. Unwilling to go into cabinet and go through to select a dvd to watch. Flipping through the channels that I never flip through. I am so set in my ways I have a set series of channels that I go through when looking for something to watch and a hundred more that I ignore totally. Stopped on Boston Legal (for sight impaired so there was a voice over). Started to watch and enjoyed it and remembered that I had all five seasons of Boston Legal on dvd. Now this is a programme that I never watched while it was on. I did catch an episode here and there but never invested myself in it. Then I watched the last few and thought hey I should watch this so I bought the disks and then never cracked the boxes.

Sometimes, having is almost as good as watching. Does that make sense? There is this feeling of comfort in knowing I can read or watch whatever whenever I feel like it and so since there is no hurry I am satisfied and do not actually have to buckle down and get to it. Then, at some point, a long time after buying whatever it is, something triggers interest and I pull it out and get involved and am absolutely delighted that I had the forethought to buy it when I did.

I have had this lifelong habit. When I read an author for the first time and find I like what I
am reading, I check to see what else the writer has written. I especially love series. I buy the entire series and read from book one. Then I follow that author's work and buy each new book in the series as it comes out. I read by genre so I might be reading sci fi and buying vampire books or mysteries or historical romance. I might not get back to vampire books for years but when I do I am always so happy to start reading an author in my library from book one and finally get to the new books in the series that I bought. I always start at book one. For example, back in the 60's I started reading E.C. Tubbs 'Dumarest' series. I kept buying each new one. By the time I bought his 32nd book, I had read book number 1 at least 25 times.

Why is it I can never read or enjoy books chosen for me by other people? Even fan fiction writer friends, whose work I love, who recommend stories they like or new fandoms they like and I am not enamoured at all. So many of my fan friends gaffiated to new fandoms that I could not follow. Or found new OTP and I am like WTF...how could someone who shares my love for this character/this actor...go on to like 'that' one...ugh.

I actually miss having a current love object/fandom obsession. Not that I want a new fandom, I am hoping my interest/obsession in my three fandoms will reactivate (it did for X-Files so I have hope for the others and 800 zines in my closet demands that it happen). It is not just that I do not wish for a new fandom but I find none of the new crop of actors attractive and the older actors have already been passed over as not of interest in the past. Am I too old, too picky or are they all just cookie cutter faces and personalities.

My list of things to do keeps growing.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
Do you believe it? Snowing all night and into this morning. Got 2-3 inches and it did not melt as it did in some areas.

It has been a few days and my life, as usual, has taken another turn. I was reading my way through my X-Files fan fiction and was half way through a story. I cannot remember if I said this before, at my age the memory is a soggy sponge. On a Sunday I tuned in to Blood Ties, the vampire tv series based on Tanya Huff's books and it was the pilot and it gave me a taste for finding the book and reading it. So far I am half way through book four. I will likely go on.
It is unlikely I will go back to X-Files anytime soon this year. Next year is another story...we shall see. I sent feedback to Tarlan, Aries and Josan, and finally made contact with Sleeps With Coyotes and told all of them I had reread their stories and still loved them and found out that all of them have left fandom and got a life. I am the oldest of them all and retired with time on my hands and they are all leading incredibly busy lives but all were kind to the old pest.

Diet is back on track, down 32 pounds. Life is good and will be better when the snow melts and goes away and stays away. I want to see flowers.

Spent an entire morning this week reading up on Game of Thrones. My eldest son is hooked on it and wants me to come and watch a marathon. I watched something in the first season and it was dark and they killed off Sean Bean and I don't get HBO. I bought him the books and said thanks but no thanks. Then I took one of those Buzzfeed tests and accidentally chose Jon Snow as part of my persona and it would not let me change it because it was the last question. So, of course, I went to search and see who Jon Snow was...and so I went to google. Interesting stuff, I read up on all the characters and story lines and how the books differ from the show. Great over view of the show and now I don't have to watch it but will understand comments about the show and when spoilers show up on blogs I will know what they are talking about.

Spending a fortune on TV channels and find nothing I want to watch. Thank god for books. There is not enough time in my day. My list of things to do is huge. I am so suggestible. Dr. Who #9 first two episodes were on a few days ago and I immediately wanted a marathon. I have the disks and I was so tempted but I also wanted to rewatch my Pros disks, I want to finish the Tanya Huff books, I need to enter all of the new books I have bought into my library software, I want to watch the new disks of Firefly, I should go swimming, I want to collate all my emails between my sister and I, I want to download all my Live Journal entries. I am five months behind...and I do not trust websites....everything dies or disappears and it would bloody break my heart if my journals vanished overnight. Live Journal is now owned by Russia...who knows what they will do. I was one of the first adopters of Live Journal which meant I had it free for life but I still paid to have that confirmed for sure because I poured my heart into it. I am very verbose. Stream of consciousness sort of stuff unless I am upset and then my rants have a purpose. Live Journal is for those sorts of rants and anything else my grasshopper brain throws up. My emails are always long, my journal entries are always long. I wish I was a writer, I love writers but I cannot plot, I am too long winded, too much information.

I have to learn how to use Ebay and Paypal so I can sell some of my Starsky & Hutch memorabilia, my Conan comic collection, some of my Elvis stuff. I must downsize. There used to be charities that would take gently used teddy bears but these days with germaphobia rampant you cannot get a home for much loved bears. I will keep mine and my son can pitch them in the garbage after I am gone. Records and record player.

Will shut up now. NCIS is on...and Gibbs is a cutie.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
Change is inevitable but this year it is self directed. Last year I made some major decisions and changes to my life. I stopped being a patsy for every taker who had more gall than I had guts. I did not start drinking in September. I started dieting. I cocooned all winter for my sanity sake. I let others help me for a change...though I confess it made me very uncomfortable. In five months I spent very little and nothing foolishly. In five months I lost thirty pounds....only 70 to go. I have decided not to start smoking this April and for me smoking is merely mind over matter. Up to now I smoked for the summer months April to September and drank from the day I quit smoking to the day I start again. This year I shall do neither. I am not making a commitment to exercise but I do hope I will do a bit more. It is always a choice between reading and walking and walking loses every time. Hell, everything in my life loses to reading. The diet is working, thanks to reading.

I adore Nicholas Lea and follow his career but I confess I am not drawn to his choice of material. I loved X-Files, I loved Once a Thief, I liked The Commish. But the series he guest stars on are not on my choice list. I started watching Continuum for Nick and tried to get into the story but they killed him off for seemingly no reason...it was such a disconnect. He appeared, did nothing, barely got into the story line and was murdered. I stopped watching. Every so often I look in to see where the story is and this week it appears that Alex screwed with the timeline to bring his girlfriend back to life creating a duplicate Alex and whatever the name of the leading lady is....and all I could think was...hey this would be a good time to bring Nick's character back to life. Never happen but I can wish. I didn't like V...again three episodes and died. Whistler was bearable...again a few episodes and then died. I liked Men in Trees but it was really het-centric. I checked out Arrow pilot and it bored me so I haven't caught his measly episodes.

The thing in my life that hasn't changed over the last twenty years is my reading habit. Okay, I have stopped buying zines but switched to cosies on my Kindle so the money on reading is still going out. People come and go. What I watch on TV changes from year to year...sometimes because the shows vanish, sometimes I just stop watching for no particular reason.

Today was the nicest day so far since mid-November. Sun shining, no wind, temperature promised in double digits...didn't make it but 9C is still the best it has been. So happy I do not live in Atlantic Canada...another Nor-easter coming in.

Going to pick up where I left off yesterday reading my Kevin & Kell cartoons. What is wonderful about this is....I found them online fifteen years ago and life happens ...lost track of them and now have found them again and am playing catch up. The same with X-Files fan fiction, I read none at all for ten+ years and thought I would never find my way back. It was so very heartening when I did. It gave me hope for S&H and Pros which are currently lying fallow in my life. One problem with opting out for ten years is...you lose track of the fandom: people die, move to other fandoms, get involved in real life, give up writing, give up fandom, change their email addresses and drop off the radar altogether.

Dinner time for me and my dog.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
And yet more. Well I have read an incredible amount of X-Files slash in the past 20 years. Yes, 1994 through 2014 and over and over and over again. I just filled out one of those BuzzFeed questionnaires on a list of the 150 books one should read but that 90% of the population had read only 6. I had read 54 of them. I would have read more but I did spend 20 years reading fan fiction.

Not sure how many of the following relate to fan fiction...just grabbed them.

Lines

Something very rewarding about being a fuck up.

A pure and abstract gift for one liners. A genius for funny sentences.

The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.

At the same time sex ceased to be funny it ceased to be dirty.

Loss of lechery as an acceptable emotion.

Guilty of appallingly poor judgement. Life is almost always a series of appallingly poor judgements.

Cheese is just a substitute for the love you've never given me.

Sinks into a kind of dazed emotional immobility.

He abandoned any illusion of control over his life.

His desire to live unencumbered by every day anxieties.

A callous self absorbed who presents himself in righteousness.

It ain't the meat. It's the motion.

Silly season.

Hell hound

Brown aviator's jacket. Starsky's favourite.

Reconnaissance specialist.

He grew up tall and broad shouldered and blond with big hands and good looks.

A jewish class humble from Brooklyn one of those fast talking curly-haired young guys you saw all over new york.

You couldn't help but like him and agree with him.

He exuded pheromones that made you feel friendly.

Long sooty eyelashes profound midnight blue eyes.
Sable hair.
His lips played over Hutches lashes, the sweetness and the promise.

David Duchovny
Working Girl 85 - no name boyfriend.
New Years Day 89 - Billy
Bad Influence 90 - no name club goer
Twin Peaks 89-91 Dnnis/Denise
Rapture - Randy
Julia Has two Lovers - Daniel phone sex
Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter Is Dead - Bruce
Denial 91 - no name
Baby Snatcher - 92 David
Beethoven 93 - Brad yuppie
Chaplin - Rollie - cameraman
Red Shoe Diaries 92 Jake
Ruby - Officer Tipit
Venice Venice - Dylen
Kalifornia - Brian Kessler
Playing God - Eugene Sands
Fight The Future - Mulder
Romance 99 -

Too many clowns, not enough circuses
You're only as sick as your secrets.
Prison is a state of your mind.

Strike first
Strike fast
No mercy

Adrenaline junkies like feral dogs are not easily domesticated. Once out you can't go back, you might become a danger to those around you.

Vero, claro que si

Ot mudohatye suka

Odin
Dva
Chetyre
Pyat
Shest
Sem
Vasem
Deyat
Desyat
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
That went well...so how about some more.

Alex/Methos (aka Loki/Lucifer)

And when I suck you off not a drop will go to waste
It's really not so bad you know once you get past the taste.

All Nick all the time

Nick Lea is my idea of a perfect chew toy.

Mary Mary quite contrary
How does your garden grow?
With toxic weeds and lethal seeds
And corpses all in a row.

In the end there can be only one.
May it be Alex Krycek, rat bastard extraordinaire.

My night is coloured headache gray.

The uncalculated cant of those hips.

All the boxes in a woman's head are open at one time.
Men's boxes are closed, they open one at a time.

Moment when knowledge and regret combined.

Your own smell is comforting and others' is repulsive.

Sympathy for angels. They get all the mucky jobs. A city needs destroying - send an angel. Saints to wrestle - send an angel. Angels go through eternity with one wing dipped in blood. Angels, God's assassins. (Morgan Peterson)

Do we need to be improved by our reading?

Easier to read non-fiction goop. A novel doesn't give all the answers. It forces you to think.

An interesting character - I think I will ride his coat-tails.

A resonance with the mind. A lot of layers. Inspires.


A polished feline movement.

Something inherently feline about Alex.

Lucifer, the bright one, the dark angel, arrayed before him in all his irresistible splendor.

Loki - God of Mischief

Deep rumbling giggle.
Sleek dragons gliding.

Mask of impassive cruelty.
Chameleon eyes.

Looked at it like it was a large bad tempered ferret.

Exotic creature, who changed from an innocent puppy to a mysterious cold eyed beauty in the blink of an eye.

Transformation from raw puppy to cold eyed beauty. Nice throaty giggle. Charming breathlessness. Tight sweet smile. Sleep tousled. Looking irresistibly fuckable.

The cold, beautiful, heartless angel briefly glimpsed at first meeting returned.

His beauty breathtaking. Captured some fairy creature, fey and lovely and not quite human.

Angel-beast-child's pliant flesh.

Keening turned into a wail.

Equal opportunity sex maniac.

Giggled a charming giggle.

Huge stormy-sea green eyes

Enormous wide eyes staring intently from under long, dark lashes

Cold fey beauty again.

Quick silver spirit, elusive, mysterious, outwardly a child-man, sweet and innocent but somewhere inside was this troubled roiling creature.

Appropos of nothing.

He loved Krycek's ears; small neat and sensitive.

Squealed, squeaked

Purring moans

Leaning tiredly, watching him with a strange guarded expression.

Naked and squirming.

A mouth that just demanded to be kissed.

Special covert ops training.

Forced cheer
Quickie
The sweet blushing man

Reproachfully
Mental pep talk
You make me hot just by breathing, Alex. You always have.

The cock, a shaft of velvet sheathed steel, nine rebellious inches pressing against his belly.

Other people bore me when I am sober and I bore other people when I am drunk.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

No beta - we're going commando here.

His metabolism is way to fast and mine is way too slow.


Machievellian
Smirk
Devil
Primer on power
Either be really nice to people or kill them.
A gun is a man's best friend.
A "how to' for people who are insufficiently unkind.

Loyalty is for suckers
Perception is more important than reality.

Classified Ads:
For Sale: One X-Files canon...hardly used, but frequently remolded into
improbable shapes...contact 1-999-Fox-1013 and ask for C.C.

For Sale: One slightly used Assassin...Slightly damaged and ill-used, but
still delightful. May come with fox or skinner attached. Contact
1-999-Fox-1013

For Free: Excellent pamphlet on "The Right To Bare Arms" by Alex Krycek
1-999-Lexi-cons

Send for Free catalog: Plams R Us...maker of finer Plams since 1992.
Guaranteed to solve those pesky alien and hybrid problems. A thousand and one uses...Apartment 42, 2630 Hegal Place Alexandria, VA 23242

All his incarnations, an incubus, young agent, eager, smiling and kind. Leather clad pretty boy from Hong Kong. Soldier from Tunguska. Krycek had torment, no boundaries. Invasion of Mulder’s life.

Behind the long-lashed face lived a killer – the succubus who has enticed him for years.

Linguistic pervert.

Intellectual moat to keep people at a distance.

Psychopath - He decided that human beings really want to die. From his point of view, he's actually being very generous with his time.

Some relationships fail because both partners change or because neither does.

Confrontational blowhard who dismisses you the instant you disagree with one of his pronouncements.

Cut down on list keeping.

So wrapped up in pointless minutiae that they don't realize life is passing them by at a good clip.


Elegant arc of neck
Precious face
Understanding by osmosis
Six foot walking sex toy
I’m playing with you baby.
His skin invited touch the way well carved marble would.

Crooning happily.

One small pointed ear
Slim but well built

Favours bulky white shirts which look sooooo good on him.

Warm wet cat-raspy tongue.

Jibed

Kiss all his problems into next week.

I can’t help you, darling, all I know is that we’re bound to act out every last act of our little tragedy and then the gods will destroy us.

Gorgeous, graceful contour of neck, finely shaped pectorals, slim waist, long sinewy legs.

This was no ordinary stud but a deadly predator and you should consider yourself very lucky if you were chosen to be his mate and not his prey.

How dangerous this sensual creature.

His beauty overwhelmed me completely.

So stunningly gorgeous.

A panther, deep raspy love stalking its' prey.

He loved Alex like this naturally unrestrained. Alex was once a very dangerous man, and it was times like these that reminded him that only love and devotion had tamed him.

This is your kind of place. I hear rodents.

Sweet thing.

The object of his ponderings turned and focused a green gaze on him.

Nick lines that reverberated - 'excuse me'?

He's more beautiful than any man has a right to be.

Pretty profile
Eyes closed, the long lashes forming dark arcs, his lips parted. God he was so beautiful.

Alex Krycek, kneeling in the moonlight fully aroused; eyes closed, shirt open and pants down around his knees. It was easily the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

God I love the way he moans.

~(::::) 8> The Rat is Out There.

Angry had been a road sign he passed fifteen miles ago. And he most certainly hadn’t turned off there. In fact, he’d just taken the fast lane through outraged, furious, and downright acrimonius without stopping to see the sights. Right about now, he was coming up on murderously pissed, and it looked like a pit stop was in order.

A perfect tart of a young man.

Only a half sucked acid drop of a moon for company.

Geraniums sniggered around the house.

We passed a heavy vote of censure on you.

Pardon the gross lack of intelligence in this letter.

On some level he was always aware of the other’s presence.

Green eyed demon feasting on him.

All evidence to the contrary.

All variations on a theme of leather and denim.

Terse in his response.

Eyes a simple olive colour.
The whiskey growl
Eyes blackly luminous.

The pretty face was smooth.

Hiss like an angry cat.
Jumped like a scalded cat.
Damn they were all feline.
Silky purr
Long body and the devious mind it housed.

Big green eyes, limpid gaze.

Draped with the tamed demon.

The relentless adoration of the borderline sociopath.

Husky chuckle.

Honey hipped.

Alex moved with studied grace. He prowled, Alex did, sinuous glide from the hip and the play of muscles beneath the skin clearly visible beneath worn, frayed denim that coated him like a second skin.

Seductively husky voice.
The strange being facing him.
He raised his chin defiantly, a gesture that was purely Krycek.

Eyes wild and darker than he had ever seen. Alex was not home.
Rage, fear, dark joy, lust in those eyes.
The scent of leather and razor wire the man trailed even when nude.

Tricksters, players and games. Deadly and smooth and awkwardly young. Every laugh, every snarl, every act of casual savagery a wonder to behold.
That mouth.
Alex always and forever.
Such a perfect pretty face.
Eyes turned hard and green like jade expression unreadable.
A pheromonal essence uniquely Krycek.
Well formed feet.
Cock rising at the sound of Mulder’s voice.
Cock rampant.
Perfect peachy ass.
Radiance in Mulder’s face at the sight of a naked Alex.
Pretty face made beautiful by need and arousal.
Tiny mewling sounds and writhing.

She sees what he sees: this gorgeous creature conjured by his hands and tongue –emerald glitter of eyes and carmine cheeks, a sprawl of loose muscle and glowing flesh and at the center, the core of his burning, brilliant need –Krycek’s cock and Mulder’s own cock purpled, rampant.
You are beautiful enough to be the devil.
Buttery husk
Pretty peach mouth
Cat quick those eyes I’ve loved for longer than I have ever been able to admit.
Eyes poisonously olive.

Languorously playful bat of eyelashes a feral glitter in the wild green eyes.

The werewolf hour of 2:30 a.m.

Alex had always been beautiful.

Seduce all you can, lord knows you have the ass for it.

He was far too accepting of this to be a virgin. Too pretty not to have been approached. Probably a slut who’d sit on it for anybody.



Okay, I should have edited the two sections together, there are a lot of repeat bits in this. I will edit it sometime.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
I love writers. I love words. I love reading. I collect lines that resonate with me.
Over the years as I have read X-Files fanfiction over and over I have abstracted bits and pieces that I wanted to cherish, gloat over, recapture, remember, not lose. I never remember to put title of source or author with these tidbits and never worried about it because I do not write and would never use them anywhere or pass them off as mine. I want to put them somewhere out there. These are not mine but they are gems I polish occasionally. I wish I had written them. I wish there were more of them. Most of these are Alex-centric. The reason I am doing this today is I reread Hth's Stroke of Luck and the same lines hit home again and I went looking for my files of collected lines and then thought I would put them here and reread them.

From my commonplace book...Alex Bits:
All his incarnations, an incubus, young agent, eager, smiling and kind. Leather clad pretty boy from Hong Kong. Soldier from Tunguska. Krycek had torment, no boundaries. Invasion of Mulder’s life.

Behind the long-lashed face (should have been eyes) lived a killer – the succubus who has enticed him for years.

Elegant arc of neck
Precious face
Understanding by osmosis
Six foot walking sex toy
I’m playing with you baby.
His skin invited touch the way well carved marble would.

One small pointed ear
Slim but well built

Favours bulky white shirts which look sooooo good on him.

Warm wet cat-raspy tongue.

Jibed

Kiss all his problems into next week.

I can’t help you, darling, all I know is that we’re bound to act out every last act of our little tragedy and then the gods will destroy us.

Gorgeous, graceful contour of neck, finely shaped pectorals, slim waist, long sinewy legs.

This was no ordinary stud but a deadly predator and you should consider yourself very lucky if you were chosen to be his mate and not his prey.

How dangerous this sensual creature.

His beauty overwhelmed me completely.

So stunningly gorgeous.

A panther, deep raspy love stalking its prey.

He loved Alex like this naturally unrestrained. Alex was once a very dangerous man, and it was times like these that reminded him that only love and devotion had tamed him.

This is your kind of place. I hear rodents.

Sweet thing.

Pretty profile

Eyes closed, the long lashes forming dark arcs, his lips parted. God he was so beautiful.

Alex Krycek, kneeling in the moonlight fully aroused; eyes closed, shirt open and pants down around his knees. It was easily the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

God I love the way he moans.

~(::::) 8> The Rat is Out There.

Angry had been a road sign he passed fifteen miles ago. And he most certainly hadn’t turned off there. In fact, he’d just taken the fast lane through outraged, furious, and downright acrimonious without stopping to see the sights. Right about now, he was coming up on murderously pissed, and it looked like a pit stop was in order.

A perfect tart of a young man.

Only a half sucked acid drop of a moon for company.

Geraniums sniggered around the house.

We passed a heavy vote of censure on you.

Pardon the gross lack of intelligence in this letter.

On some level he was always aware of the other’s presence.

Green eyed demon feasting on him.

All evidence to the contrary.

All variations on a theme of leather and denim.

Terse in his response.

Eyes a simple olive colour.
The whiskey growl
Eyes blackly luminous.

The pretty face was smooth.

Hiss like an angry cat.
Jumped like a scalded cat.
Damn they were all feline.
Silky purr
Long body and the devious mind it housed.

Big green eyes, limpid gaze.

Draped with the tamed demon.

The relentless adoration of the borderline sociopath.

Husky chuckle.

Honey hipped.

Alex moved with studied grace. He prowled, Alex did, sinuous glide from the hip and the play of muscles beneath the skin clearly visible beneath worn, frayed denim that coated him like a second skin.

Seductively husky voice.
The strange being facing him.

He raised his chin defiantly, a gesture that was purely Krycek.

Eyes wild and darker than he had ever seen. Alex was not home.
Rage, fear, dark joy, lust in those eyes.
The scent of leather and razor wire the man trailed even when nude.

Tricksters, players and games. Deadly and smooth and awkwardly young. Every laugh, every snarl, every act of casual savagery a wonder to behold.
That mouth.
Alex always and forever.
Such a perfect pretty face.
Eyes turned hard and green like jade expression unreadable.
A pheromonal essence uniquely Krycek.
Well formed feet.
Cock rising at the sound of Mulder’s voice.
Cock rampant.
Perfect peachy ass.
Radiance in Mulder’s face at the sight of a naked Alex.
Pretty face made beautiful by need and arousal.
Tiny mewling sounds and writhing.

She sees what he sees: this gorgeous creature conjured by his hands and tongue –emerald glitter of eyes and carmine cheeks, a sprawl of loose muscle and glowing flesh and at the center, the core of his burning, brilliant need –Krycek’s cock and Mulder’s own cock purpled, rampant.

You are beautiful enough to be the devil.
Buttery husk
Pretty peach mouth
Cat quick those eyes I’ve loved for longer than I have ever been able to admit.
Eyes poisonously olive.

Languorously playful bat of eyelashes a feral glitter in the wild green eyes.

The werewolf hour of 2:30 a.m.

Alex had always been beautiful.

Seduce all you can, lord knows you have the ass for it.

He was far too accepting of this to be a virgin. Too pretty not to have been approached. Probably a slut who’d sit on it for anybody.

Mulder, have you ever stopped to consider that you’re not really rational when it comes to Krycek?

Krycek could never be controlled. Like quicksilver he slipped through your fingers, like a force3 of nature, no matter what you did you turned around and he was gone, only to reappear three months later, six months, a year, bloodied but unbroken, to turn your life upside down again.

If Mulder hadn’t gone ballistic and raised his fist.

Mulder could feel Krycek’s awareness of his presence, just as he could feel Krycek’s. Something in the air, heavy and dark and almost sweet, like the tinge of ozone that presages a storm.

A way to deal with the unbearable feelings Krycek aroused in him.
It was beautiful the way he did that: a deep breath, an effort of will, and his perfect control was back.
I want to fuck you
Why does that not surprise me?
Work for it sweetheart.

Krycek was magnificent – thoroughly impaled on Mulder’s cock, squirming and growling, his beautiful control gone.
He was solidly built, with the appearance of quiet strength. His skin was smooth and creamy. Dimple of his tailbone.
There was just something touchable about Krycek. He was driven by an uncontrollable need to have his hands on him.
Leaving his heat imprinted on Mulder.
Bright eyed, armoured in his leather, looking dark and dangerous and stunningly beautiful.

April 30 Rudmas
July 31 Lammas

Dos vidaniya – until we meet again.
Fiery green eyes.
Dedicated eye fucking. You lose.
Otmudohatye suka =
Kak dva pal’tsa obossat = this is a piece of cake
Mne po khuy = I don’t give a fuck.
Strike first, strike hard. No mercy.
Prison is the state of your mind.
Odin = one
Dva = two
Tri = three
Chetyre = four
Pyat = five
Shest = six
Sem = seven
Vosem = eight
Devyat= nine
Dezyat = ten

Open throated voice of epic proportions. Fine featured androgyny – kd Lang

Sex is bizarre. It is wriggly meats.

The second you make yourself vulnerable to someone, they start drawing blood.

Chameleon eyes.
Grinned toothily.

The voice was low and smoky rumbling in the back of its owner’s throat. Picture of a man who wielded it like a weapon.
Malevolent joy.
Pure unalloyed pleasure with a clear touch of malice.
A wolfish grin.
The one man whirlwind.

Mulder & Krycek had always been circling one another, always drawn together but unable to complete the circuit that whispered and sung between them. It had never dimmed, not even through the betrayals, the reverses, the revelations. Now Krycek was upstairs, hurt and helpless, claws sheathed and fangs hidden.

Krycek’s beautiful, abused body.
He surveyed the length of Krycek’s body laid out in the moonlight silvered.
Jesus, you’re beautiful, Alex.

Tearing at his rational cool persona, leaving him naked and alone at the center.

Fandom is Borg. Resistance is futile.

Have you had your slash today?

"Hey, I *am* nice to you. I took care of those two assholes for you.
That's the Krycek equivalent of a hallmark card."

And where does this tenderness come from?
And what to do with it, sly
Boy, passing stranger,
With eyelashes - the longest ever?'

Alex Krycek. The man who put the 'ass' in 'assassin'.
My recollections of you are few
And I am not captivated by your fate,
But from my soul the mark won't fade
Of an insignificant meeting with you.

Your red house I pass by with intent,
Your red house above the river's ferment,
But I know that I aggrievedly excite
Your pierced peace with a piece of sunlight.

Let it not be you who kneels above
My lips, my mouth, praying of love,
Let it not be you who makes immortal
With golden verses my listless torpor,--

In secret I cast spells on the future,
And if it is perfectly clear this evening,
I foresee a second meeting,
An inevitable meeting with you.

1913

Specifically: getting Mulder into a restricting bed
(It not what you think; get your mind out of the gutter!).

I'm more offended by the insult of assuming that Krycek getting Mulder into
bed requires one's mind to be in the gutter...

> And I'm not kidding

Sorry...? Am I missing something here...? Perhaps the kerb was hiding it from view... P- HEW what is that smell down here...? I really must stop falling into the gutter but then, there is always such great company down here... Hi there Aqualegia, Fan4Richie, Karen-Leigh... What, someone mention Krycek, Mulder and bed in one sentence again... so that's why I am down here
Tarlan

Now, I'm ticked. I told Tarlan that we were down here because the roses
grow best in this locale. >>
Fan4Richie

I always thought it was where our favourite rat lurked.
Karen-Leigh

Oh no... I'm so sorry guys for letting out our big secret... now *everyone*
will want to sink into the gutters on a rat hunt.
Tarlan

That's true, she is saving all of her angst. It's in a mayonnaise jar on
the back shelf of her refrigerator.
Um, Shadow, are the voices in your head having their weekly poker night
tonight? I thought they had been holding them on Thursdays.



Alex/Methos (aka Loki/Lucifer)

And when I suck you off not a drop will go to waste
It's really not so bad you know once you get past the taste.

All Nick all the time

Nick Lea is my idea of a perfect chew toy.

Mary Mary quite contrary
How does your garden grow?
With toxic weeds and lethal seeds
And corpses all in a row.

Snerk
Alex-centric

In the end there can be only one.
May it be Alex Krycek, rat bastard extraordinaire.

My night is coloured headache grey.

The uncalculated cant of those hips.

The second you make yourself vulnerable to somebody, they start drawing blood. Poppy Brite.

The Sixth Extinction I
…and on top of all this we get the long-awaited (sh-yeah right!) return of Kritschgau!

The Sixth Extinction II
Why does Krycek kill everybody he sees these days? He's gone from being one of the best villains on the show to existing merely to kill off and burn all myth arc ep loose ends.

Where's Krycek when we need him?

Federal Bureau of Intimidation.

All the boxes in a woman's head are open at one time.
Men's are closed, they open one at a time.

Books have always been like a drug to me. I always have one on the go and I value them as a major key to survival during many a 'dark and stormy night.'

They are one of life's lovely keyholes - pass through them and all sorts of wonderful, exciting, funny, sad, scary, mesmerizing vistas unfold.

ME
I'm temperamentally friendly.
I'm sensitively strong.
I'm aggressively sweet.
I'm seriously goofy.
I'm shyly outgoing.
I'm simply confusing.
I'm idiotically intelligent.
I'm strangely normal.
I'm morbidly cheerful.
I'm loudly quiet.
I'm dangerously harmless.
I'm deeply shallow.
I'm nervously confident.
Yeah, that's me!

Moment when knowledge and regret combined.

Your own smell is comforting and others' is repulsive.

Sympathy for angels. They get all the mucky jobs. A city needs destroying - send an angel. Saints to wrestle - send an angel. Angels go through eternity with one wing dipped in blood. Angels, God's assassins. (Morgan Peterson)

Do we need to be improved by our reading.

Easier to read non-fiction goop. A novel doesn't give all the answers. It forces you to think.

An interesting character - I think I will ride his coat-tails.

A resonance with the mind. A lot of layers. Inspires.

Remember Barbara Rhoades

Mouse potato
Key pal
Meatloaf - spam
TFB = Too fucking bad
STBY - Sucks to be you
Frag & Defrag = Unorganized and organized
Boat anchor = obsolete computer
DBU = Dead brain user
IRL = In real life

He did that thing with his head. How can I describe it? I can't. I can only describe its effect on me. I gasped; I swooned; I sighed; I cursed a universe in which he would never be mine; I mourned a life in which I would never be able to catch him doing that thing with his head at odd and sundry domestic moments; diluting the orange juice concentrate in the morning, shopping for hinges at Canadian Tire on Saturday afternoon, explaining how he totalled the Porsche on the way home Friday night.
I tried to reason with myself. He's a construct, invented by/???? And my own fevered imagination. What I wanted, I realized, what I needed, was the rush I got from watching him do that thing with his head. A moment of looking scary, vulpine.
He does not possess a static beauty. It would take the genius of an Annie Leibowitz to capture the beauty of that thing he does with his head in a still photograph. There is something intrinsically bad about objectifying somebody who has read.
He looks like a man who has come to terms with the fact that people want him to take off his shirt for photographs but still doesn't like it. Even screen idols deserve better than to be made into eye-candy, and it appears that he does more with his head than move it in just the right way to interest a tired (and single) ?????(Keanu Reeves) could be Nick or Alex.

A lot more manual labour involved in housework than going into the office.

Emotions trigger brain activity faster in women. Men take 7 times longer.

What do you call a man with ten rabbits in his ass? Warren

The class ring of MIT is called the Brass Rat because the beaver on the brass ring looks like a rat.

Story Idea:

Mulder makes an Internet friend Sasha before Alex is sent in as his partner. He had gotten used to talking to Sasha about everything. He felt a freedom to be himself in a way that he had never had with anyone in his life. It was like keeping a diary or a journal but with feedback.
He talked to Sasha about the closing of the Xfiles. Sasha believed and they discussed their beliefs. He discussed his new partner Alex and what he felt about him. The growing awareness and attraction. Sasha encouraged him and confided his own growing emotional attachment to another man.
What Mulder doesn't know is that Sasha and Alex are one and the same. Sasha told Mulder that he was a computer consultant/software designer and that he lived in England and that he traveled a lot but seldom to the United States. He told Mulder to truth of his childhood. He sent him interesting facts and pictures of X-File type phenomenon. He researched for Mulder.
They spoke of world events, movies, books, sports and weird phenomena. Mulder bounced ideas off him about his cases. They spoke of loneliness.
As Mulder fell deeper and deeper in love with Alex, Sasha encouraged him to be brave and test the waters. Alex and Mulder became lovers.
Then Alex was gone and Sasha kept him sane. Helped him keep the faith that Scully was alive and would be found. Unbeknownst to Mulder Alex was searching for her and when he found her, he returned her to Mulder. Mulder's relief and joy spilled over into his conversations with Sasha. Mulder and Scully went back to work on the Xfiles Now that his focus was off Scully Mulder's emotional compass swung to missing Alex. Sasha too confided that his love affair had come to a bad end. They commiserated together. Mulder had much anger and hurt. Sasha only had hurt.
Alex kept popping back into Mulder's life and never fought back when Mulder attacked him. He rescued Mulder and fed him information. Sasha was a rock. Whenever Scully failed him with her refusal to believe what was right before her eyes. Sasha reassured him.
There was a long period after Tunguska that Sasha didn't answer his mail and Mulder began to profile. During his long trip with Alex there were moments of déjà vu and when he began to really miss Sasha he began to put pieces together.
It was after he watched the ship rise in the sky and listened to Scully denying her experience that he finally got an answer from Sasha. Believing that Sasha and Alex were the same person he began trying to get confirmation of his belief. Sasha apologized for not answering his mail. He told Mulder that he had had an accident and was unable to access his computer. His answers came slower than usual and had more mistakes.
Mulder found out for sure that Alex and Sasha were one and the same when Alex almost died and someone tried to contact his next of kin to notify them. Mulder hurried to the bedside of the man who was his best friend Sasha and his lost love Alex.

John Doyle's Critical List in Broadcast Week Aug 19-25, 2000
Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye
Here, the excellent Nicholas Lea plays Dustin. It is a slight satire of Hollywood.
Lea is somewhat wasted in the early going and is much better when Dustin turns the tables on Minnow and uses his Hollywood player skills to bite back. A murky little thriller doesn't pack the full wallop it could have.

Yeah, he did sort of take over, didn't he? I think it's because
he's such an ambiguous character--you can read him about a zillion
different ways, and all of them can be supported from canon. And of
course, it doesn't hurt that Nick Lea looks like an angel.
(Amazingly, people who've seen him in person says the camera really
doesn't like him all that much, and he's much better looking in
person. Ye gods and little fishes, he must be lethal...)

Krycek's face, sharply boned, cruelly beautiful; cagey green eyes framed by long, lazy lashes.

A polished feline movement.

Loki - God of Mischief

Deep rumbling giggle.
Sleek dragons gliding.

The cock, a shaft of velvet sheathed steel, nine rebellious inches pressing against his belly.

Other people bore me when I am sober and I bore other people when I am drunk.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I think it was because Methos is SOOOO slashable! He's like water -- flows
to conform to the shape of any container . A 5000 YO man HAS to have had
male lovers (given all the cultures he's lived through AND the sheer
"boredom" factor ). Methos supersedes many labels - he just IS.

One writer went so far as to say she never bothered to open a dictionary to check her spelling because she thought such things were a waste of time.

My usual response to that is "please stop masturbating
in my mailbox."
***
Ezekiel: "Why don't you try and just enjoy some of the beautiful things in
this world? Just one. Try it on for size."

The Devil: "Believe me, it won't fit."
***
80% of gay men are born that way
the other 20% were sucked into it.

Machiavellian
Smirk
Devil
Primer on power
Either be really nice to people or kill them.
A gun is a man's best friend.
A "how to' for people who are insufficiently unkind.

Loyalty is for suckers
Perception is more important than reality.

Tests on net:
My colour is blue - serene and thoughtful
If I were a dog I would be a Great Dane.- sophisticated and full of spirit.

This is a message from Nick Lea, about that USA Today poll:


>> Hey everyone! I'm really sorry it took me sooo long to get
>> back to you. I've been very busy. I wanted to thank (from
>> the bottom of my heart) all those who contributed to the
>> USA Poll. You're awesome! I am so lucky to have support
>> from ALL of you like that. Even though I don't see myself as
>> the next Stallone, your support of my work only makes me
>> want to try harder to be a better actor - to live up to your
>> sustained kindness and faith. Thank you all. Nick

Life had moved on, and Krycek had disappeared
without a trace, no bubbles rising to the surface of slimy ponds, no scent
of sex and leather curled on the incipient breeze. The comet had completed
its course through my orbit and had taken off to the nether regions of
space; the icy core reduced by proximity to heat, but essentially untouched.
I had been burnt by his passage. His essential being, my need for him had
been seared into me, like the afterimage of a light imprinted onto a retina.

Leashed power personified.

Almost scary to watch him transform.

My internal grey landscape.

She was a flamboyant fifty

Had to resist the impulse to run over pedestrians.

I'm trailing in his wake.

Top or bottom - male sex changes the way you think about yourself.

Besmirch

Chagrined

Undressing me like a rag doll

Bore the calenture (attack?)

No scent of sex and leather rising.

Mom spit removes everything.

Ah sarcasm!

The reality softener you should apply liberally.

Chalet means shared body warmth in rustic talk.

LINES I LOVE FROM IN A DARK TIME – SLEEPLESS

Mulder had been painted to him as non compos mentis, not just a basket case but a walking clothes hamper of neuroses and antisocial impulses. In the category of those still carrying badges, he was said to be the most unbalanced bastard the bureau had ever produced and it had produced more than its share of locos.

Doogie Howser does justice (described Alex)

Unreachable describes an essential aspect of his personality.

You find yourself talking mostly to other specialists….then you abridge too much. Eg Doctor speak, engineer speak.


When he thought he had all whimsical impulses well in hand, he said innocuously.

Well—duh.

Caught off guard Mulder blushed. Duh, indeed. Of course Krycek had heard of him. The copy machine repairman had heard of him. The Alaskan field offices. SAC’s 63 year old secretary sent him Christmas cards.

They probably pass my photo out to all the new recruits with a warning and a whistle.

Actually, I try not to think about my reputation. A careful avoidance allows me to get dressed in the morning.

Transfixed by unknowable thoughts, he projected the serene aspect of a wandering scholar lost in the world—a GQ Buddha.

Bone-cold eyes reflected hers; clearing so quickly she wondered if she’d only imagined that glittering mirror of malice.

Mulder’s voice was quiet, and his face had taken on that expressionless quality that she knew all too well. Reflexively, before he even spoke again, Scully had tensed for the inevitable retaliation.

His voice was bland, seemingly conveying nothing but a mild and professional curiosity. It was, in her unexpressed opinion, his deadliest tone of voice.

I was always a few volts below threshold anyway.

The gallows in my garden, people say/Is new and neat and adequately tall/ I tie the noose on in a knowing way/As one that knots his necktie for a ball.

It’s too early to hang him.
He reminds me of a really tall Kewpie doll.

You’re a neat boy. This is good. Can we go?”
Anyone ever tell you you’re a brat?”
I log the times.”
That must take up a lot of space on your hard drive.

You a werewolf, Mulder? You have a reason for being this fucking crazy?”

He’d do him in a New York minute. Very fuckable, even if a bit past the buy-date for his usual taste. Ten years ago he’d probably been exactly the kind of juicy, clueless puppy Alex loved to shove around. Alex liked a more malleable personality. Not warm and fuzzy, but not an emotional cuisinart either. This was a man with his own personal zip code in the Twilight Zone.

Assessing every detail that reached his attention to determine if the ducks were lining up for him.

Greetings—welcome to Earth! Please don’t feed the monkeys!

He could usually manage coherence on demand, if not manners. Trying to put a drag on the rocket’s tail.

Bureau agents shouldn’t have a death wish. It’s a poor psychological profile for success.

Mudak, thought Alex, watching Mulder leave. And if you think that great ass of yours redeems the asshole it’s shipped with, you’ve got another thing coming, pal.

He looked up at Mulder from under long lashes, eyes holding that hawkish gleam.

You get old, the sponge starts to get a little soggy.

He’d joined himself at the hip effortlessly.

I don’t know how you communicate with others of your species, but here all it takes is a word—even a grunt.


See if anything jumps out at you.

“Feral cats, minor demons, evil puppets.

Krycek was standing across the room, in a kind of parade rest stance, watching him with sharp, expressionless eyes.

Prowling

I’m the one being fondled here.

A dark figure pacing him, a devil riding at his side in the wicked night.

Voice lowered, darkened to the brooding growl of thunder just before the lightning’s flare.

He really was…attractive. It fell short but he could think of no word appropriate to Alex’s strange fey charm. Neither beautiful nor handsome, he might have belonged to some other species to whom such set, simple terms did not apply. His features, his demeanor, were in constant flux; he altered too quickly to be pinned down. One moment he seemed only the measure of his twenty-odd years and no more—an unpolished kid, a bit naïve, almost shy—and then a leprechaun face would peeep out behind the m ask, mischievous, wilful, elementally tricky, and then, in the next shape-shift9ing moment he was all panther, feral and vital, dark and sharply fanged. Fey..dangerous…volatile…
He’s a fairy, Mulder thought wickedly.

A low voice muttered from the offstage wings of his mind.

Alex felt his heart accelerate into the feral predatory rhythms that were the reason he loved his job. His mind was a grinning thing.

I haven’t booted up my brain yet, Scully.


Roger Smith Dining room – IDTA

“Yo, it’s Starsky and Hutch,” Gilda said, nudging her companion.
Look a’ that schweet ass on him.
Tell him you wanna jump his nightstick, honey—
“He ain’t a copy, he’s an FBI agent, and lissen---
Ask if you can see his gun
I’ll betcha his gun is smokinnnn
Now I like the young one.

Lithium solves Mondays. Late nights. Bad hair days---
But it tends to even out the personality, Krycek. I wouldn’t have those perky highs anymore.
Kills your sex drive, too, I hear.

An interloper with a wolf’s hungry face.


Stroke of Luck – Hth

Over the way that each jagged breath Krycek drew seemed to strain in Mulder’s lungs.

Mulder’s name, Mulder’s rat, Mulder’s problem.
Alex Krycek. Mulder’s rat, Mulder’s partner. Mulder’s victory.

Mulder stood at the center of it. Krycek’s G-man, Krycek’s problem. Krycek’s only weakness.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
2014 - MARCH
TARLAN- WAITING FOR THE AXE TO FALL - TRILOGY
JIM-I STILL HAVE PLANS TO GO TO MEXICO
JIM-A CRACK IN THE HEARTHSTONE
RATADDER – BURN ME IF YOU WANT – 7 PARTS
GRAYCOURTNEY – THE IMPOSSIBLE
AINON- REGARDING A CURE – 5 PARTS
ARAXDELAN – PLAYING IN ATTICS – 3 PARTS – mentioned me
ARAXDELAN - BLINDNESS
AKILAH-THE SEQUEL OF OBLIGATION – TRILOGY
MORTIMER – THE SAME EVERYWHERE – 2 PARTS
URSULA – GONE TO DOGS – 15 PARTS OF SERIES – Karen vet based on me
SIBERIAN – SNOW DAY
KING – EVERYTHING DIES III – THE GAME
KING – GODSPEED
KING – GRACE – TRILOGY (ALEX/LOKI, METHOS/LUCIFER)
KING – BLOOD, LOVE & RHETORIC
SKINNERBOX – THE STARS ARE RIGHT
SKINNERBOX – WELCOME TO THE MUSEUM
KING – ANGELS
KING – EMPIRE OF DREAMS
KING – PROMISE
KING – RESPONSIBILITY
KING – RHI PRICES AND CHANCES
KING – THE WAKING
JIM – DESCENT 1 & 2
JIM – DOG IN THE MANGER
JIM – DOG IN THE NIGHT
JIM – DOG OF WAR
JIM – EVERY DOG HAS HIS DAY
JIM – GIFT
JIM – GONE 1
JIM – GONE 2 CARRIED AWAY
JIM – GONE 3 TREES
JIM – GONE 4 FROST
JIM – GONE 5 MOUNTAIN
JIM – MOMENT OF PEACE
JIM – RIVER IN A DRY PLACE
JIM – COURAGE TO FORGET
JIM – DON’T ROCK THE BOAT
JIM – IN THE SHADOW OF THE ROCK
JIM – PORTRAIT OF A NEIGHBOUR
JIM – SELF PORTRAIT
JIM – SNOWS AND SIN
JIM – INVITATION TO THE DANCE 1 - 5
JIM – LONG ROAD
JIM – LURE
JIM – SETTLING 1 - 4
JIM – SEX, DRUGS AND ROCK & ROLL
JIM – SOME PLACE WARM
JIM – WAKENED BY SILENCE
JADZIA – MONDAY, 57
JENNIE – FIELD OF GOLD
JAYDE – ABSOLUT ALEX
JAYDE – THE DEATH OF ME
JOSAN – AFTER HOURS
JOSAN – ANOTHER LIFE
JOSAN - BEACH
JOSAN – BEYOND THE BARRIER OF SNOW
JOSAN – BRUTAL FORCES 1-4
JOSAN – CHANCE 1 - 6
JOSAN – CLOSE ENCOUNTERS 4-1
JOSAN – CLOSE ENCOUNTERS 4-2 – mentioned me by name
JOSAN – CLOSE ENCOUNTERS 4-3 – mentioned me by name
JOSAN – CLOSE ENCOUNTERS 4-4
JOSAN – CLOSE ENCOUNTERS 4-5
JOSAN – CLOSED DOORS
JOSAN – DARK AND STORMY NIGHT
JOSAN – DARK AND STORMY 2 HOT AND HUMID
JOSAN – DREAM
JOSAN - DRESSING
JOSAN – EATING 1
JOSAN – EATING 2 MAIL
JOSAN – EATING 3 CONFERENCE
JOSAN – EATING 4 CONFRONTATION
JOSAN – EATING 5 CAMP
JOSAN – EATING 6
JOSAN – EATING 7
JOSAN – EATING 8
JOSAN – EATING 9
JOSAN – EATING 10 THE TRIP
JOSAN – EATING 11 THE VISIT
JOSAN – EATING 12
JOSAN – EATING 13 REASSURANCE
JOSAN – EATING 14 CHRISTMAS
JOSAN – EATING 15 CLEAN CUT
JOSAN – EATING 16 FINALE
JOSAN – FEBRUARY FOURTEEN
JOSAN – GETTING A LIFE – DAVY
JOSAN - HIJACKING
JOSAN – IN DEATH THERE IS LIFE - ZANDER
JOSAN – IN DEATH THERE IS LIFE - ENDINGS
JOSAN – LA FIN
JOSAN – LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS 1
JOSAN – LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS 2
JOSAN – LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS 2.5
JOSAN – LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS 3 ANSWERS
JOSAN – LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS 4 ANSWERS TO ANSWERS
JOSAN – LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS 5
JOSAN – LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS 6 PHILIPA
JOSAN – THE LODGE 1
JOSAN – THE LODGE 2
JOSAN – THE LODGE 3
JOSAN – THE LODGE 4 MORNING
JOSAN – THE LODGE 5 STORM
JOSAN – THE LODGE 6 WORDS
JOSAN – MAGIC
JOSAN – MORNING
JOSAN – NEPHOS – DRAGON
JOSAN – FIRST CHRISTMAS
JOSAN – HALLOWEEN
JOSAN – ORA PRO
JOSAN – REFLECTIONS
JOSAN – SAME CHANNEL
JOSAN – SNOW
JOSAN – SKINNER’S REWARD
JOSAN – SORRY 1-1
JOSAN – SORRY 1-2
JOSAN – SORRY 1-3
JOSAN – SORRY 1-4
JOSAN – SORRY 1-5
JOSAN – SORRY 1-6
JOSAN – SORRY 1-6
JOSAN – SORRY 2
JOSAN – SUBSTITUTE
JOSAN – TARTS
JOSAN – THE BETTER FOR HEARING
JOSAN – THE CHILD IS FATHER TO THE MAN
JOSAN – THE EYES HAVE IT
JOSAN – THE FOOT
JOSAN – THE FUCK
JOSAN – THE MAN OF MYSTERY
JOSAN – TRUTH OF THE MATTER
JOSAN – TRUTH 2 – SIMPLY
JOSAN – TY SOPLIVY SOPHYA
JOSAN – WEDNESDAY EVENING
JOSAN – WHATEVER HAPPENS
JOSAN – WHITHER THOU GOEST
JOSAN – WHITHER 2 – ITS DOGS

She has another pseudonym under which she writes darker stuff
I do not read the darker stuff more than once. Everything above is good and I have read every one many times. I am sorry to finish.

So much to look forward to in my projected list for April. I love my eReaders.
COURTNEY GRAY - PLAYERS + ALL
FLUTESONG – ALL
URSULA – GONE TO DOGS (died Jan 30 2012)
SECOND GRACE- ZINE
SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL - ZINE
SYMPATHY PAINS – ZINE
COHORTS 4 – ZINE
M/K ULTRA - ZINE
OVER EXPOSURE - ZINE
EXPOSURE – ZINE
INDECENT EXPOSURE – ZINE
X-PLICIT FANTASIES 1 – ZINE
X-PLICIT FANTASIES 3 – ZINE
LEATHER AND ARMANI – ZINE
THE GIFT OF AN ENEMY – ZINE SYLVIA
SYLVIA – ALL
MCGRATH - IVAN
ARLINGTON – THESE MEN OF HONOR
DRAIG – CHAMELEON
WU – ECHO LANE
WU – EXIGENCY SERIES
KASS – ALL
SLEEPS WITH COYOTES – BREATHLESS & SOLIDARITY +
GRYFALFON – CELEBRITY
ABITE – A COUPLE
AD ABSURDUM – CUPID’S BOW
TASHA ABRAMS – WONDERLAND & WHITE RABBIT
RITICULAN – IF THOU WILT REMEMBER & BROTHERS
XFILES XMAS 2012 ALL
XFILES XMAS 2011 ALL
DONNA MCINTOSH – ALL
JO B – XPATROL30 –EVERY MALE EVERY FANDOM PREGNANT
BETH – BUCK, GLOW STARS, COURSE OF TRUE LOVE
DARGELOS – AWAKENING OF STONES
DEMIX-BROTHERS IN ARMS 1-5, THE BLOWING OF NEXUS
CLAIR DOBBIN – STEAL YOUR FIRE SERIES, ALL
ELIZABETH – SUGAR & SPICE
ERIKA – ALIEN CONSPIRACY-WOLVERINE WIP, NOVENAS
URSULA – ILLEGAL ALIENS – HUMOUR - ALL
F. KATHERINE – POISONING PIGEONS, INIS ICILEAN – ALL
FENSTER – CABBAGES & KINGS, PAWNS & PLAYERS

Actors

Mar. 23rd, 2014 03:14 pm
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
It may be that I am getting old but so many young actors these days are cookie cutter, generic looking. Their faces have no personality, they all look alike. There are a few that stand out as unique and, to my mind, they are generally British actors. Benedict Cumberbatch, Andrew-Lee Potts, David Tennant. As I look back at all the actors who have interested me or turned me on, none of them was pretty (except Elvis and Nicholas Lea). I check out the new shows and the men are all bland. Nothing about them strikes one as interesting.

On the other hand, actors that do stand out but are too pretty like Brad Pitt are interesting to watch but I do not want to put them in my pocket and take them home.

I read all of the Anita Blake vampire novels and her books are so filled with characters that I started making my own movie by choosing actors to play all the parts. This was several years ago when Jared Leto was so much younger but he fit one of the main characters. I have a picture file with all of them and next time I read all the books I will refer to that file to see how it affects my perception of the books. Many of the people in the file are dead but that doesn't matter. It will be interesting if some day someone makes a movie of the books. Others have done this...choosing actors for a future movie.

I love Sundays.
Even retired the bitch with a whip in my head is always telling me what to do. On Sundays she is silent. I do not have to do anything but read.

There are still not enough hours in the day for me to do all the things I want to do, never mind the things I should be doing. More snow coming this week and I do not need anything from stores. Feeling a bit guilty...neighbour turns 87 today and I called but was too bloody lazy to walk to general store to buy her a card. On the other hand, I do not want to start that type of give and take. I will pick her up a treat the first time I take my car out. The scales between us are in my favour, I have babysat her dog 20 times to her babysitting mine once. Okay, the guilt is less.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
Finding familiar names, happy to learn how to navigate. Repeating myself in posts. Still haven't found Josan but managed to send post to Sleeps with Coyotes. Am currently reading my way through my Authors-XFiles-J and thoroughly enjoying Josan's Close Encounters series. Things about me, I betad for many in X-Files including Ursula/Fan4Richie. I betad for Nightbird/Kaye Austen Michaels in Starsky & Hutch. I have a huge trilogy she wrote just for me that has never been posted or archived (an mpreg that she doesn't want anyone to see) and it is as well written as her posted stories. She wrote her Eternity series for me when I told her I wanted Starsky as a ghost who could be felt. I love fandom, I love fan fiction writers. I have been guilty of letting real life take over and time passes so quickly that old friends lose touch. I write to SHaron, Shael, Tarlan and many others at least once a year to touch base. I try to contact writers when I reread their stories to say how much continuing pleasure I am getting. I miss Bardsmaid, TaVeryMate, Ursula and so many others who have passed on too early. I hate that so many stories were lost when Geocities closed. I remember when Ter/Ma closed abruptly and all the stories were in limbo for years till someone managed to bring them back.

Getting older and Lewis Collins death brought home just how old when my crushes start dying. Elvis, Oliver Reed, David Carradine and Lew are just examples that leap to mind.

I joined fandom when Onelist started. Live Journal has fragmented list culture and it is hard to keep up with an entire fandom anymore. I love Pros for Frances who posts the newsletter of collected Pros every week and that is such a blessing to that fandom's followers.

Okay, it is time to take my toy poodle out into the teeth of the snowstorm (five inches on ground) and try to find a flat spot for her and then lunch. Dieting...the bane of my existence...is going well this time...gotta love Dr. Atkins.

I will try to remember to check in here. Still learning, do comment posts to my ID come to me via email too? Being able to crosspost to my Live Journal means I will not have to duplicate my effort to keep it all.

New here

Mar. 22nd, 2014 12:29 pm
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
It takes me forever to decide to join things. I have been brushing up against Dreamwidth for years following urls to fan fiction stories. Today I was searching for Sleeps With Coyotes which led me to Dreamwidth but found myself locked out after I joined just to read her.
Time passes so swiftly and life changes all around. People drift away, change email addresses, take their stories down from the net and interest waxes and wains in any given fandom.

I collected every X-Files story in my OTP and then moved on to add an addition OTP in the same fandom thanks to Josan. For years I saved and saved and read. Then one day on a nostalgia search I came across Starsky & Hutch fandom and started reading and soon one day I woke up and found I could not read another X-Files story. I repeated the pattern of archiving every story I could find and reading exclusively in S&H for years, all the while I kept all my X-Files list active and saved every newly posted story. Then came the day when I was rereading favourite S&H for the nth time and ready for something new and a friend handed me a bunch of Pros tapes and zines and I was off to the races. Again, I dove into Pros and bought all the zines and saved all the stories and...well you get the picture. Soon I was no longer reading S&H at all but continued to save the new stories. Ten years passed since I last read X-Files and one day I found myself reading a story and wow interest came alive. I bought an ereader and loaded all my saved stories and read for a year. S&H and Pros were sidelined...but I now had faith that I would return to them sooner or later so I am still saving their stories and occasionally rooting through archives for any I have missed. I am so glad I continued to save the stories, I am so glad I started saving them in the first place because, as I said above, writers take their websites down, remove their stories from the net. I have all of Sleeps With Coyotes X-Files stories saved safe and sound.

What brought all this up was 'feedback', over the years I have given feedback sporadically. These days when I am rereading so long after the fact and am so thrilled by some of the stories and really want to write and tell the writer how much her story still resonates after all this time and am saddened and frustrated that I cannot do it.

I have just finished Godspeed, Everything Dies, Grace, Responsibility, Promise, Breathless, Solidarity. All of them wonderful. Every one ending too soon leaving me aching for more. Such a wonderful writer. Heard a rumour that she has turned professional and wish I knew what name she was writing under because I would buy all her books.

Well, that is my introduction. I have done a mini search of the site and found one familiar name so far...msmoat (I have a huge collection of her wonderful stories too in Pros and Starsky & Hutch).

It is time for breakfast, only down 1/2 pound after one week of dieting but that makes 28 1/2 since October so three cheers.
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