ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
This time put in Live Journal password...this is the problem with having your computer save all your passwords...sometimes when they asked to be changed I cannot read my own handwriting with the new password in the notebook. try again for last time.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
Confusing, put in Lady password this time instead of Live Journal password
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
Okay that password didn`t work so I am trying again.

Back Again

Sep. 23rd, 2017 03:20 pm
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
Cross posting hasn`t been working so went to try and change password and now to see if this one works. Additional information, Brandon got new glasses but not boots. He has a cataract in right eye and it not happy with new bifocals...52 years old and first time getting glass and it is a heavy duty prescription...amazing he must have been driving blind for years. Air conditioner is on for only the fifth time this year....Ash is becoming really sensitive to the heat but at thirteen and a half you can expect changes. I am so far behind in all my journals...normally I can fill pages but there is no time and really nothing to say...I am not socializing really, no television shows, avoiding news like the plague...Trump makes me physically sick to my stomach and gives me anxiety attacks and world news is so awful that for my sanity and health I have to close it all off. My Live Journal account is so far out of date because every time I post here and hope the cross post happens and it doesn`t I am too lazy to go there and repeat myself. All these stories and most of the writers you cannot send feedback because none of their emails are functioning anymore. A lot of friends are switching over to gmail but I am still using my AOL. I wrote to Mary Van Deusen but I think my email addys for her were wrong and went to Barb Phillips of Recycled Media but the last time I used them and wrote to Barb they came back as if she had changed hers too.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
I am thoroughly happy with my life and right now I attribute my contentment to spending the last four months reading fan fiction in The Professionals fandom. I am so happy to have found my way back and to be rereading all these (expensive) zines for the third or fourth time. This time I am separating them into keepers and those I can ship off to someone to keep/sell/give away. Normally my journal entries are TL:DR fodder but these days I cannot spare the time or have much to say...just want to get back to the next story. I do a lot of searches for information, there are so many stories I wish were online, I get so pissed off at WIP that are unfinished. I really really thing that WIP should never be posted in zines. I just read through my five Scotch Doubles zines and they had four bloody stories that never were finished because the promised 6th zines never materialized or the writer's ran out of steam, or couldn't find another publisher. In Sprite of Himelf - Bodie as a sprite. No Such Thing As A Merman - Bodie as a merman. Days of Future Past by Ty a Chief-Pros crossover and the Scotch Doubles story that ended with a real cliff hanger (possible death). If you are going to do a WIP that spans five zines then you should make sure each is a stand alone so that if you don`t continue at least the reader has some closure. Four unfinished stories is too much. Rant over
I also have Lily Fulford`s The Professionals Story List - A Reference Guide that lists all the stories and where they can be found up to 1998, what a wonderful thing it is and I wish someone had continued her work. Palely Loitering made a great stab at filling in the blanks but her last post to her great work was in 2003 I think...I could add so much information as I go on reading, if she was still working on it.
It is 30C, the sun is shining, sailboats on the water look lovely and I did go out and eat on patio at PIE so now....back to my stories.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
I am thoroughly happy with my life and right now I attribute my contentment to spending the last four months reading fan fiction in The Professionals fandom. I am so happy to have found my way back and to be rereading all these (expensive) zines for the third or fourth time. This time I am separating them into keepers and those I can ship off to someone to keep/sell/give away. Normally my journal entries are TL:DR fodder but these days I cannot spare the time or have much to say...just want to get back to the next story. I do a lot of searches for information, there are so many stories I wish were online, I get so pissed off at WIP that are unfinished. I really really thing that WIP should never be posted in zines. I just read through my five Scotch Doubles zines and they had four bloody stories that never were finished because the promised 6th zines never materialized or the writer's ran out of steam, or couldn't find another publisher. In Sprite of Himelf - Bodie as a sprite. No Such Thing As A Merman - Bodie as a merman. Days of Future Past by Ty a Chief-Pros crossover and the Scotch Doubles story that ended with a real cliff hanger (possible death). If you are going to do a WIP that spans five zines then you should make sure each is a stand alone so that if you don`t continue at least the reader has some closure. Four unfinished stories is too much. Rant over
I also have Lily Fulford`s The Professionals Story List - A Reference Guide that lists all the stories and where they can be found up to 1998, what a wonderful thing it is and I wish someone had continued her work. Palely Loitering made a great stab at filling in the blanks but her last post to her great work was in 2003 I think...I could add so much information as I go on reading, if she was still working on it.
It is 30C, the sun is shining, sailboats on the water look lovely and I did go out and eat on patio at PIE so now....back to my stories.


Jul. 24th, 2017 09:53 pm
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Finally reading Pros again after so long and today I read a zine I bought in 2009...Exile by PRZed and it was fabulous. I was on tenterhooks for Bodie and the tension throughout the book was handled so well and I enjoyed the story. Felt so sorry for Robbie .. Beautiful artwork by Lorraine...I have many pieces by her at foot of my bed where I can see them all the time but none in colour so full colour gorgeousness was a real pleasure. Now that I have read it once and enjoyed it...I can look forward to rereading it and getting even more out of it.

Next up was a zine I made with a collection of circuit stories by Meg Lewtan. Finished that and started the second one. I am getting too old for the really really tiny print on some of those old original, typed circuit stories.

Life is good now that I have started reading my 350+ Pros zines...I will be kept busy for a year at this

Norman's birthday today and I wrote to him. I offered to drive Bea and Doug to their opthamologist tomorrow and then lunch with Nan....I am crazy...I would rather be home reading.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
Rain and chill week days with warm and sunny weekends...I can live with that. Sister finally wrote with more bad family news...sometimes I feel like we are both working off the bad karma from several past lives. Ash-Leigh is better but I find that she will not let go of her sickness schedule of going out every 2 1/2 hours. You can tell it is spring she is wearing a leash. Still spending my days with Nancy Mitford and her sisters, Harold Acton, James Lees-Milne, Lord Berners, Virginia Woolf, David Garnett, Emerald Cunard, Cecil Beaton, Stephen Tennant and Siegfried Sassoon to name but a few. So much nicer place to spend my time than to chance hearing any news about Trump. Reading a lot about the rise of fascism in various countries in Europe in the 20s and 30s and how it all began and how it worked and the different types and the leaders and their rhetoric and the similarities to Trump and his rise to power and the way he handles his position is positively eerie and scary. Like Scarlett O'Hara every day I tell myself I will think about it tomorrow and thank whatever gods there be that I am not an American. He is so ignorant that he actually thinks NAFTA is about trade. It is is about checks and balances on the world stage. I wish his people would wake up and smell the blood in the water. Television tonight is Designated Survivor...every time it comes on I tell myself I will not watch it because it is so distressing and god I hope that is not the normal way of business of government and terrifyingly believing that it is only too real and I don't want to know. On a lighter note there will be two episodes of Buffy. Still on diet and have lost ten pounds of the 25 I gained since Ken went into hospital. A social worker was supposed to visit yesterday and did not show up and neither did a doctor. And again today, no contact with anyone but nurses and no progress...just warehoused and time is flying and deadline of exit approaches. Bureaucracy is such a hateful gets you in its power and strangles progress.


Apr. 7th, 2017 05:08 pm
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
Just visited Live Journal and they have been updating/tampering with the formula. I am way behind in posting to it and need to play catch up. I am hoping this cross post will work this time. Hope I entered the correct password. The older I get the less patience I have...time has become a very valuable commodity. Brandon needs to get a health card. I sent him address of a Service Canada outlet that is open on Saturday mornings....won't hold my breath. Wonder what will happen if he makes a trip to hospital without a valid card. Bea gets her new Escape on Saturday and her old car is going to be donated to a charity (not me).
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Crosspost test
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
I am still trying to figure out what password is for my Live Journal and get this blog to crosspost.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
It has been a strange and stressful few months. Bea was in Florida for a month and dog has stress colitis every time I am out of her site. My reaction to advice from her breeder and both my ex-husbands is negative in the extreme. Feels like pressure and/or criticism. So I have not been telling my troubles to anyone not even my Live Journal or Dreamwidth. I haven't checked Tumblr in months. I am still checking my Facebook every day and as a break from reading I do go and play on Pinterest. I cannot concentrate well enough for crosswords. Not playing solitaire or mahjong. My right wrist is still hurting after months...looks like this is a permanent affects my typing. Joined a book club and go on first Tuesday of every far so good. Not reading any fan fiction at all and my piles of zines fill me with guilt. Christmas went well and I am not wallowing in the dumps. I want to get back on my diet. It did not help that Fran made 40 pounds of fruitcake and gave me one...a full 4 pounds of deliciousness. As long as I do not drink I think I might be able to get back on track. I am terrified of crossing 200 pounds again. How can I encourage Ken to stay on diet if I am falling off daily. I ate every chocolate in the apartment in the month of March.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
Nerves are our connection to the outside world, relaying information about what’s around us to our brain. There might be a thousand or more nerve endings in a square inch of skin, all exposed to daily wear and tear. “The nerves in your skin are constantly being injured and regrowing,” says Gordon Smith, MD, a neurologist at the University of Utah. “They’re the foot soldiers of the nervous system, absorbing a great deal of the physical insult our bodies encounter every day.”
The nerves in the feet are the most vulnerable, because they have the farthest to travel: A single nerve fiber may stretch from your toe to your backbone, plugging into the spinal column not far from your belly button. “It’s like the Alaska oil pipeline—it’s a pretty big deal, and it takes a lot to maintain it. If there’s stress or injury, the part of the pipeline that’s farthest away absorbs the damage,” Smith says.
Under normal circumstances, nerve cells are surprisingly resilient. For people with diabetes, though, this resilience can decline or disappear, making nerve cells more fragile and less able to regrow when they’re damaged.
Accumulated nerve cell injury equals neuropathy, a common condition (about half of people with diabetes will have it at some point in their lives) with symptoms including pain, numbness, and loss of balance. It’s often part of a group of problems, including uncontrolled blood glucose and poor healing and circulation, that can escalate to the point where foot amputation is necessary. Diabetic neuropathy is one of the most common complications of diabetes, and one of the most costly and damaging. Estimates are that health care costs connected with neuropathy add up to well over $10 billion a year in the United States.
What is it about diabetes that makes neuropathy such a problem? Research has shown that hyperglycemia, or high blood sugar, causes nerves to degenerate. But hyperglycemia is not the only risk factor. “In the setting of diabetes, obesity seems to significantly increase one’s risk of neuropathy,” Smith says.
In recent experiments funded in part by the American Diabetes Association (ADA) involving people with type 2 diabetes, Smith has shown that exercise-related weight loss can temporarily slow neuropathy and encourage nerves to regrow, increasing the regeneration rate by 30 percent. “Those who lost weight or whose A1C got better are the ones who improved,” he says.
The cause and effect can be complex. Does obesity cause type 2 diabetes and thus neuropathy? Or does diabetes come first? One condition, after all, might contribute to the other. “If you have very bad foot pain and are unable to exercise, that might make you more likely to be overweight,” Smith points out.
To better understand how weight loss helps nerves stay in good shape, Smith is now working with patients about to undergo gastric bypass surgery. Other studies have shown that the weight-loss operation—which restructures the digestive system to bypass parts of the stomach and small intestine—leads not just to weight loss but to an almost immediate improvement in the body’s ability to produce and respond to insulin. In many cases, surgical patients with type 2 diabetes are able to immediately stop using or greatly reduce blood glucose–lowering medications. “It provides an ideal opportunity to look at the effects of weight loss and the correction of diabetes on nerve regeneration,” Smith says. “Our hope is that between that and looking at blood markers, we can understand the disease mechanism.”
Smith makes use of capsaicin, a compound familiar to any hot-sauce fan. It’s the stuff in chili peppers that “burns” the tongue. When applied to the skin, it damages nerve cells, causing them to retract from the skin surface.
With the help of another ADA grant, Smith is recruiting 50 people without neuropathy symptoms headed for weight-loss surgery—25 with diabetes, 25 without. In the time leading up to the operation, he takes a tiny sample of skin and underlying tissue from each patient’s thigh. Then he applies a capsaicin patch to the area, waits 48 hours, and takes another sample. The capsaicin simulates nerve damage that accompanies neuropathy. The biopsies can be repeated after the first and third months to determine the rate at which nerves regrow.
The patients go on to have gastric bypass surgery, and Smith monitors the impact on nerve function. Six months later, the nerve regeneration rate is measured again. The goal is to compare the progress of the patients with and without diabetes and to see if weight loss and metabolic improvement affect nerve regeneration.
One of Smith’s goals is to show that capsaicin is a tool that may be useful in future neuropathy research. But more important, understanding the relationship among obesity, diabetes, and nerve damage could help Smith and others treat or even prevent neuropathy in the future.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
Ken is still in hospital. Since December 7 he was in Toronto Western and on February 27th they moved him to a rehab hospital and gave him 75 days. He has lost a little over 100 pounds and losing weight has slowed and now that he can get himself into his wheelchair he is cheating at tuck shop in hospital. His legs still don't work so he cannot stand or walk. He went for a nerve test and the result is the nerves should regenerate but it will take till Christmas. That is also dependent on his continuing to lose weight and keep his blood sugars normal otherwise he doesn't have a prayer. He also has vertigo which interferes with physio. They are sending him home in 21 days and if he cannot make his legs and feet work he is helpless to live alone. I am beside myself. My other son has been sick with a cold in sinus and chest for three solid weeks with no end in sight because he works in a freezer so hard that he takes ten T-shirts to work to strip off as each gets soaked with sweat.

I just had emergency dental work on Saturday April 1st and fasted all weekend to let clot stay. My dog has had a form of diarrhea off and on for a month and it finally normalized two days ago.

I managed to lose 70 pounds on Atkins but lost momentum on December 7th and by Saturday April 1 had regained 25 solid pounds. Am trying again. Not spending any time on social media but I do check in if I get an email or a blog notification. I always answer my mail. Very strange that my sister has dropped off my radar in the last would think the older I get the more she would try to stay in touch often but it is the reverse.

I did the income taxes for the three of us and paid my bill (on a credit card). Then paid the dentist on a credit card. If I do not want to be in debt at end of the month I cannot afford to eat this entire month...blew entire budget on those two items plus getting Ashley groomed. That appointment was six months old and she was looking terrible so I did not cancel it to save money.

I am spending my days in the UK from 1900 to present day reading diaries, journals, biographies, autobiographies and letters of the tentacled monster that was Bloomsbury. It is like eating leads to another.

I am still watching NCIS, NCIS New Orleans, the tenth Dr. Who is on at midnight every day, Designated Survivor, Broadchurch, Saving Hope, Bull, X-Files and Buffy this past month.

Yesterday more bad news, Ken's tablet the only thing keeping him sane will not take a charge. His computer geek friend Craig is going to look for a cheap laptop for him and that will cost me. So I call him and he is depressed and now Craig writes that he is stressed. WTF?

I rented a car last month, how could I forget that? I drove with Brandon to Ken's and his place was disgusting...Brandon and I spent two hours filling garbage bags and swabbing the deck and we did not even make a dent. I took a lot of cleaning supplies so when Ken goes home and can supervise..I will pay some Extreme Clean company to go in and clean it. I am hoping CCAC will help him get the chair with wheels he needs to access his kitchen, the commode he needs now that he cannot get into his own bathroom, send in nurse to bandage his feet and someone to empty the commode and keep him clean. Tools, he needs tools to enable him to live alone without the use of his legs. It is a bloody nightmare.

Actually, with all that is going on I am actually doing very well and rolling with the punches and feeling pretty yay me.

New Year

Apr. 7th, 2017 03:55 pm
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
Been a while. Reading a lot. Worried about Kiernan who has just spent a month in hospital with no end in sight. Started my New Year reading Tarlan's Waiting for The Axe to Fall. One reason was Voyager Endgame was on television in the last week of 2016 which made me want to read this favourite. I usually read it once a year. Bagged Christmas trees and put in laundry room. I do not take bulbs and decorations off tree...laziness personified.

Diet is difficult...I am hungry. Must cut back further on carbs.

Second book of the year A Princess Diarist...Carrie Fisher...really good but short. Her previous books Shockaholic and Wishful Drinking were better. Currently reading Without Knowing Mr. Walkley in which she is writing about Wiltshire and mentions Stephen Tennant which means I plan to read Serious Pleasures Stephen Tennant's bio and just ordered Siegfried Sassoon A Life.

I am shocked by the prices of books in Canada these days.

Hoping to make a deal with a cleaner to go in and scrub down my son's apartment while he is in hospital...without asking him...because I know he will refuse to allow it.

Got the name of the rehab hospital in Toronto that they are trying to get Kiernan into but right now they are suffering the same flu epidemic every other hospital is dealing with and I want this hospital to get him out of bed and on his feet before they send him off somehere else.

It is cold -15C wind chill and Sunday is going to be -21C. The downside to having a dog is it is compulsory to go out six times into the teeth of blinding snow storms.

I have so much to catch up on...all my Fat Secret entries to be transferred to Live Journal.

New Tablet

Nov. 17th, 2016 05:57 pm
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
I miss my keyboard. I learned how to type in 1962. I could type 70 words per minute
And typing here is one finger and slow. Good forTwitter but little else. I do not have a cell phone but notice friends and family that do have a smart phone no longer answer my long emails and now I really understand. This is an exercise in frustration.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
09 November 2016
The world has officially gone crazy. Donald Trump is president of the USA. Time to crawl under the covers and ....maybe not...the ones who will hurt most from this choice are the idiots in the USA who actually voted for this racist, misogynist, lying, egotistical crook. He will take that country down the tubes and we will suffer a glancing blow in the process. I am absolutely sick and craving a large alcoholic drink for breakfast. I could not watch the end of the train wreck last night. First Brexit and now this. Why not just give ISIL the keys to the city and invite Putin for lunch and offer him his choice of states as a gift. My mind is blown and my gut is in knots. The world is a place of fear and loathing and Hunter Thompson must be rolling in his grave. Imaging Trump and his trashy wife and ugly goon sons in the white house representing the most powerful country in the world is an absolute nightmare. I almost cried myself to sleep last night at the thought that there are so many ugly, stupid people with the power to bring the world to its knees without a shot fired. Ted Nugent's stage performance grabbing his crotch and spitting vitriol is now the poster boy for politics in the United States and his portrait should hang over the entrance to the White House. I confess that this is really unlikely to have much of an effect on my life but as an outside viewer I feel incredibly sorry for 50% of the American people whose electoral system failed them spectacularly. I have not turned on the television so I do not know if the popular vote went to Hillary and the stupid way they have the electoral system put Trump out front but I would bet the farm that is the what happened. It is hanging chads all over again. North Carolina fucked with its voters not allowing many to actually vote, the FBI fucked with the voter's minds, Wikileaks founder put out lies, Putin and the Russians hacked the government and all this combined with every red neck racist do nothing coming out to shout his and her ignorance to the world has destroyed the USA's credibility in the eyes of the world. Shot themselves in the foot. Who can respect a country that knowingly elects someone so incompetent he has gone bankrupt five times? Their first lady is an opportunistic tramp, the sons are draft dodging killers of defenseless endangered animals who look like mafioso thugs. He surrounds himself with the worst of the Republican garbage like New Gingrich. Sane people in the USA must be weeping this morning. The markets are a mess but will correct and we will go on but the poor and helpless in the USA are now toast. All the gains by Obama will be lost within 4 years. The economy will tank, the fracking and pipe lines will destroy the land, the rich will get huge tax breaks and money will move off shore even faster. Women will lose rights, gays will lose rights, the poor will lose health care, children will go hungry, the cost of education will skyrocket and Trump will pick the pockets of the most vulnerable Americans until they bleed.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Blackberry bear)
I am in the process of reading The Biographical Dictionary of Film, The Encyclopedia of Celtic Mythology and Folklore, and H.L. Mencken's Collection of Quotations. I am also finishing my collection of Dresden books by Jim Butcher. I am up to Ghost Story which I started but was curious about something so I dipped into Cold Days and got caught up and read that one till late last night. This morning instead of going back to Ghost Story (I do like to read my books in chronological order for the flavour of the entire series) or even to Cold Days, I picked up 'A Book of One's Own - People and Their Diaries' and started reading. Practically from the first page I had the overwhelming urge to underline things that spoke to me but I resisted. Finally I could stand it no longer and I got out a notepad and wrote a journal entry of my own. It was not about keeping a journal or a diary ...though I do that. It was about books. I have to transcribe it because I hand wrote it. It needs a title.

In a large 3" three ring binder, I have printed pages from a very old, DOS library programme. In it was listed every book I ever read up till 1999. I am 70 years old and from the age of ten I have been keeping notebooks in which I put every book as I read it. I have been more faithful to this list than to any journal, diary or person in my life. I think it started when I discovered my love of reading, my desire to possess books, that library books have to be returned and I was poor and likely to remain that way (I was never an optimistic person and was proven right in the long run) and would never be able to afford a library like the one I was introduced to at eight years old in Hughie Graham's home on Walmer Road in Toronto. It, in my memory, was a large room, slightly dark (the windows had heavy damask curtains), with a plush carpet, leather chairs, a large dark wood desk that matched the floor to ceiling bookcases that lined every wall except for the spaces for windows. The shelves were full but not colourfully. The books were orderly, similar in size, colour binding and all hardcovers. Hughie's mother showed me this room filled with books, in a private residence, not long after a Huron Public School teacher had taken me, along with a crocodile of other children, on a long walk down Spadina to the huge Toronto Children's Library where I had been introduced to the concept of borrowing books. I remember Curious George and Babar. I loved the day out of the classroom because I hated school and feared it and every day was filled with anxiety. I loved the experience of wandering rooms surrounded by colourful covers alone, solitary, choosing. I clutched my choices all the way home to the single, dank, spider and rat infested room in a dirty basement that I shared with my mother and my sister. We lived in poverty at the bottom of a rooming house on a street filled with homes owned by the families that lived in them. Houses filled with possessions that I could not even dream of ever having. So far away that I did not even have the concept of envy. For the first time I experienced reading as an escape from one sad place to one filled with so much more. I was hooked. In those days children had more freedom and I walked to the library alone every time I finished the books I was allowed to take out by individual librarians. The day Mrs. Graham introduced me to the concept of owning, collecting, having all these doors to somewhere else within my grasp and always at hand, was the day I knew my life long wish would be to have a library of my own. She let me borrow from the one long shelf at the bottom of one bookcase that contained children's books, the only colourful section in the room. It was Alice in Wonderland. As a child, I never had enough to eat, my clothes were second hand, I had few toys but my grandmother one day asked what I wanted for my birthday and I said I wanted a book. That year, instead of underwear and socks or the shoes I needed, I received my first book. It was The Bobbsey Twins At The Sea Shore. In the years to follow, I received Polly French, Heidi, Black Beauty, Brother's Grimm, Swiss Family Robinson, Five Little Pennies, Little Women, Little Men and Jo's Boys..all with plain covers but hardcover books. I was now on my way. I still headed south on Spadina every weekend to bring home as many books as I could convince the librarian to let me carry and my life pattern was being carved in stone. Books became my friends and companions, my substitute for contact with the people around me. I did not know the meaning of the word introvert and others convinced me I was weird. I did not need anything or anyone ever again as badly as I needed my next book. I did all the normal things but always felt less engaged than those around me and always desperate to get back to the current book. From that home on Walmer, where I lived from ages 8 to 12, I have moved twenty times and each time the only truly important thing that went with me was my pile of books. Money and the lack of it meant that I bought cheap, second hand paperbacks but I was not a collector for appearance or value or prestige; I was a collector for content. Being possessive of what I read and hoping always to revisit or somehow obtain again those I had to return to the library, I wrote down every book I read in tiny, lined, black notebooks. Like Scrooge swimming in his vault, I would read over the list and see my progression. I reread books and in the beginning put asterisks beside the title in the notebooks. I never put the date read (there was no room) and soon there was not enough room for extra asterisks either. Time came when I kept journals and diaries like this and each day I wrote what book I was reading. I never wrote precis or reviews and seldom commented on content or how I felt about the book. If I liked it I wanted to own it so I could reread it. If I didn't like it a note was put in the journal that the book was given away. Time came when there was enough money to buy as many cheap paperbacks as my heart desired and I no longer frequented the library. Libraries had become a place of stress. spoiled for choice and none of them keepers. Books stores were easier, I could feed my addiction and just walking out knowing I could keep what I held made bookstores less stressful. My obsession with owning books grew. My pattern had become established. I got a book...from the library or purchased and I read it. It was written in the notebook. If I loved it and wanted to reread it...I searched for a copy to buy if it was a library book...not always succeeding...this was fifty years before the internet brought me AbeBooks and access to the world wide Second Hand Book store group at my finger tips. If a book was not going to be reread (and I always knew almost instantly) I compulsively read it to the end, put it in my notebook and returned it to the library or gave away my copy. I had learned after each move of my growing collection not to carry forward unloved books simply because I had them. This meant sometimes I made a mistake reading something too soon to appreciate it and having to buy it again later. To this day, I do not accept free books on the off chance I will read them. I always know if a book has a chance with me for at least one reading. People borrowed and did not return and I learned to refuse to loan my books to anyone at all. Once there was a little money, if a friend saw something in my library and wanted to borrow it, I would buy and give them their own copy rather than trust them with mine. Still, books were lost over time. Some I reread and decided not to keep, some just vanished in moves and other life disasters. I look at my shelves or my lists and I remember them and miss some of them and frequently try to replace them. Then there came that second to last move (the last being the one when they carry me out of here to someplace none of my books can follow)to a smaller place, alone at last with all my books. Well not all, fully one third of them had to be disposed of or left behind and during the choosing many were lost that I miss horribly today. Suddenly, my list regained importance. I bought library software that I loved trying to transfer the list to computer except the books were no longer in reading order and I had long since stopped using asterisks. Books were grouped by genre, by author and I printed it out for a binder and hand wrote in all new additions for a year and then entered them in the data base and reprinted fresh pages. Until 1999 when DOS was lost and the programme no longer worked. I continued to enter the hand written books until the binder was a real mess and then I tried to find a replacement programme but none were satisfactory (they had done what they always do...improved on perfection till they ruined it). I turned to my computer and went back to my beginnings just listing each book on a single line as I read it. A book might, therefore, appear in the list every year for ten years as I reread it that often. I also now dated my lists so I could see how many books I read each month. I did not mark them as keepers but started another list on which I put books read and given away. Then came Goodreads and another place to list my books with covers displayed, which since I was buying a lot of books for my Kindle because there was no point in giving away a third of my books due to lack of room and then buying new ones to pile on the floor, was a pleasure I was missing, especially since I adore the colourful covers on cosies. I faced the daunting task of putting all of the books from my binder into their database...I will never manage that but it is a pleasant occupation on a day when I am in the mood for nothing else. I joined my first challenge in 2015 to see how many books I read: it consumed my year. I was focused on the number. I managed to read 377 books for the year. I reached my goal of a book a day. I worried that a reread book should not count. I thought that rereading and putting it on the site made this list like my semi-temporary list and not like my binder list. My binder list is huge - with no repeat titles. It does not show the number times I have read a book or books I have read in my lifetime, it shows the individual books I have read...some of which I have read upwards of ten times. On one hand I don't want my Goodreads collection filled with duplicate covers and titles but I do want the actual number of books I have read to be counted. It looks like I cannot have both. And then there is the final disappointment with Goodreads. Someone...actually several someones...lied on the challenge. One woman in Nova Scotia claimed to have read 1800 books in twelve months which I consider an impossibility. She was not even claiming comic books or three page pamphlets. She was not alone and the lie stands on the record with no demur. So, if it were a true competition for prizes and I, with my reasonable, possible number, might conceivably be eligible for fifth prize, I would lose because ten people cheated and the contest holders let it stand unchallenged. In a way this is a good thing because I still keep my list of books as I read them and I still add to my binder and on Goodreads I joined the 2016 challenge and am adding books as I read them. Periodically, I shall go in and delete all duplicates (which may or may not affect my challenge numbers but since it is already ruined for me it no longer matters) books and the Goodreads site will stand as another of my lists, another vault to swim in. I know that if I counted up all the books on my list for the binder and then tripled it...that would give me close to the number of books I have read in my life but it is not numbers that matter, it is names..titles that have connected with my life and filled my days.

Every journal, and I keep a bunch of different ones including Dreamwidth, Wordpress, LiveJournal, Daytimer, Fat Secret and more, serves a different purpose and so it is that my book lists change and evolve and there are more of them each serving as a way for me to grasp, possess, hold onto a book I have read, a book I loved, a book I want to reread. I look at my library these days and I love it, am comforted by it. It is not Mrs. Graham's library but I knew when I first saw hers and fell in love with it that it would never be mine. I built my own in a way her family never did. I gave my life to my library. Every book, I, personally, chose, paid for and read at least once. I know them all as Mrs. Graham did not know hers. They are my friends and I am never lonely or bored surrounded by all my friends.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
Days of watching fan vids and must admit maybe I have too much familiarity with my best fandoms but as I watched my collection, I listed my favourites (wishing I could make a compilation of only those) it became clear that the best of the lot were Highlander Methos/Duncan. Now the thing about Highlander is I never saw the entire series so I have no coherent canon story line in my head. It was not one of my 'fandoms'. I do love Methos/Alex Krycek fan fiction stories and I wish for a DVD set with only the Methos episodes. The one vid that I have on disk and can find no place else which I would dearly love to have on my cell phone for repeated watching is 'Code of Silence' a Highlander - Methos vid. I would throw money at someone who could/would sell me a good copy of that I can copy to my computer. It really is just too difficult to prop up tiny tv/vcr combo on stool to put in vhs tapes and play them these days. On the other hand, I do haul them out periodically (once every five years) and have a marathon of watching.

Most of my video collection were made before sofware made it easy enough for anyone to do it and many of them are incredible efforts. Beth Cambre, Barbara Phillips, Mary Van Duesen, Morgan Dawn, Kassidy, Flamingo. Watching them all makes me want to dive into fandom and read...I need to be four or five people so I can do it all at the same time. I am like a donkey between two bales of hay...frozen.

Not going to explain anxiety, I am working through it with the vids but am not clear of it yet.
ladyloveswolves7: Beaugi bear (Default)
07 October 2015
I cannot believe we are 1/4 the way through October already. The days are flying. Ash is wearing her orange acknowledgement to fall and pumpkin time. I am still shredding files but it is slow because I have to handle every piece of paper and make sure I can part with it. Yesterday I got rid of a bunch of old tax forms for my youngest son but first I listed all of the different addresses, phone numbers and how much he made each year and where he worked. So between note taking and going off to do other things the boxes stay littering the living room floor. Then I went to my library software only to find that I stopped entering stuff at January 2014 so I have two years worth of books that I have read (and for my 2015 challenge I have already read 280 books)that need to be entered into the database. I was all gungho when I bought the software. I was going to put all the books I ever read/owned into the database but I ran out of steam and interest. I have just read too many books in my life. On my list of things to do, I also want to go through all ten boxes of photos and sort out the ones that should go to ex-husband. Then I want to go through and organize/catalogue all my Starsky & Hutch zines, my Professionals zines, X-Files and Star Trek and Harry/Johnny. Maybe if I handle them I will either read them or sell them. Also want to finish listening to all my music vids. Want to go through the binders full of homemade DVDs and itemize what is on them and maybe watch some of the stuff. I took photos of my Starsky & Hutch, Pros and Alex Krycek bears yesterday to upload to fen. There are not enough hours in the day. Tomorrow is surgery and I sure hope he told the truth about it being covered by insurance because I spent the money :-0
Lunch with Bea tomorrow..a caesar salad which can still throw off diet. I swing between days when I moan about too many calories and days when I worry that I am not eating enough. Never a bloody happy medium. Lots of chores on my list of things to do tomorrow. Heck I have to collate and file other journal entries to my main LJ. I have to go through my Facebook, my Tumblr and Pinterest. Writing a blurb on Dreamwidth is being knocked off first. Send photo of son to his father. Make up birthday card for friend. Water all the plants. The only thing I do not have to do is cook. :-). Kitchen floor is in dire need of washing. Weather is cool, we will take my car tomorrow and trust that whatever the surgeon does doesn't leave me woozy because I am driving. Alex Krycek is in the 16th comic so I shall stop to buy a copy tomorrow. Must upload photos from camera. Sometimes just writing down a list of things to do feels almost as productive as doing the work. That is the same problem I have with buying more books when I likely will not live long enough to read all of the new ones I have not yet read on my TBR pile. Like Scrooge McDuck swimming in his gold, I finger through my books, read lists of those read, organize library software of books owned and read, buy new books and put on lists of TBR, go through series I am collecting and look for upcoming books and put on lists. If I didn't love reading so much I would think I was procrastinating and avoiding reading :-*

I have been listening to Beth Cambre's Starsky & Hutch vids...she was so prolific...amazing. However, I realized that since I do not listen to radio, seldom watch television and never watch professional music videos that there are an incredible number of very good songs that I have never heard in my life. Beth Cambre and Mary Van Duesen and Barbara Phillips of Recycled Media Station and half a dozen others whose disks filled with vids I own, have introduced me to some really great music..many of which become earworms after I have watched them. This is another example of putting off picking up my book. It generally happens when I am so overwhelmed by all the things I want to do and can't quite relax enough to read so I write in journals or makes lists of things to I combined the two.
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