ladyloveswolves7

Yes, that is what it feels like. Killing my dog. Euthanasia..such a polite word doesn't quite cover the feelings engendered by thoughts of putting Ashley to sleep. In the past month or more she has trouble walking, cannot keep her head up, keeps TRIPPING OVER HER MUZZLE and doing somersaults. She is sleeping more and I think has even lost more weight. So I think...quality of life. It has been a year in dark silence without a nose to bring in the information of the world. She is fed and drinks water, sleeps and dreams CBD dreams, for a year she walked a LOT in circles bumping into things and getting stuck under others. She is passive but when caught will squeal. No matter how I handle her she does not squeak. It is my need that is keeping her alive, not her quality of life. What quality can this life be? As long as she is breathing, eating, evacuating and not exhibiting any signs of pain...is that my criteria? And should it be? So, with the new hanging head problem I think, I will take her to the vet on her 16th birthday which is May 1. A week goes by and I count the days..only eight left. I look at her, I cuddle her in my arms this tiny newborn, silent, still, accepting animal and my heart hurts and I think...again...it is too soon. How about my birthday, July 31st, three more months. Right now in the middle of a pandemic Covid-19 with the world up in the air and now the news of Norman's brother Glen being murdered and Tom Beda dying..maybe too much for me. By July 31st the world should be clearer, maybe Covid will resolve itself. One more summer. Since I have to stay inside for Covid, as I have for Ashley for a year, a few more months will, maybe, bring more clarity. I just wish I knew I was not being selfish and cruel.